After the initial orientation, the next step is a couple meeting with the social worker in the agency. They call it an interview, but it is really their chance to really get to know you as a couple. We had a list of questions that we had to answer individually before meeting with her. The questions included: why are you adopting, how have you dealt with your infertility, what problems have you met in your marriage and describe your childhood. This is the part where that determine your emotional stability to parent a child. In short, have you dealt with your pasts appropriately or is this something you need to do before adding a child into the mix. This meeting is only a couple of hours and is a big part in them getting to know us as a couple.
We were able to do this meeting in the summer when I was off work. So, I was ready and able to drive. We completed our answers separately the night before the meeting. As always, we procrastinate and then stay up late to finish. It was interesting because we answered them separately, but when we read them together we had very similar answers. Nathan and I are an open book and we are not ashamed of our past experiences because we have learned from them.
On why we are adopting: it is time! We have enjoyed our lives just the two of us, but we are ready for a family. We would both make great parents and we feel children are a blessing from God to further his Kingdom for future generations to serve Him.
Dealing with infertility: he talked about how he wished it did not affect me the way it has and I talked about how I felt bad how much he was affected. We both saw the other one as the strong one in the relationship and how we have leaned on each other to better understand God’s plan.
Problems in our marriage: that is a whole other blog, but we have had them and God has conquered them and made our marriage 100 times better than it ever was before. We believe those experiences prepared us for this and that there is nothing we have not discussed together and conquered together. We are stronger today because of our problems and we feel it makes us better parents. We have stood the test and we chose to stay together…I don’t see anything that could tear us apart if we stay in Christ as the source of our strength.
Finally our childhood: Nathan grew up in a peaceful home with one way of handling conflicts. My childhood was a little more “in your face” let’s hash this out right now. Together, we are a mix of the two. We know the importance of choosing our words wisely and to speak without anger, but we also know we need to speak and speak honestly. Nothing is solved by pretending it did not happen or just ignoring it. Our feelings are valid and should be shared and at no time is physical contact appropriate. If we need a time out before we talk, then we take it.
We left that day knowing there are still things we need to work on, but we are ready to face them head on. It felt like two hours of therapy, but in the end it was helpful to know we are on the same page.
The good news is: To be a parent through adoption, you have to prove you are ready…but to have a child biologically there are no requirements. I don’t believe the govt. should be involved in family planning, but it is a huge contrast! We are willing to do whatever they ask, but it is a lot of work! It has become my job right now as I am on summer break! Thank the Lord for a summer break because I have no idea how people do this while still working. It truly is a full time job.