A Lupus diagnosis would not have been the end of the world, if I had not been trying to get pregnant.  We were ready to start a family and I was not willing to put that on hold.  If  anything, I felt more pressure than ever to keep going since I now realize that I am 32 and this won’t be as easy as I thought.  Part of me thought “let’s treat this disease and keep going”…the other part of me thought “can I even care for a baby while feeling like this?  Is it possible to be pregnant at all?”  Well, the rheumatoidologist could give me the diagnosis,  but could not help me much with having a baby.  I had to go to my gynecologist for that and the next few months would be a chaotic mix of seeing doctor after doctor to learn more about my disease.

The gynecologist saw my blood number and with great fear said “You can’t get pregnant right now!”  She took some more blood and suggested that I see a hematologist to deal with the anemia and other low blood levels.  She did not help me too much, but to tell me that a pregnancy would be dangerous and deadly.  I left her office just broken.  After trying to conceive for a year, it felt like the journey was on hold and that did not sit well with me at all.

The good news is: I survived one of my lowest days ever.  I had my husband to come home and cry to and just be really sad.  This was a huge low for me and my husband and I had to fight hard to make sense of this one.