There is betrayal of the body and betrayal of the bank; both are equally devastating.
Kids watch. The older I get one of the things that shows love the most is how spouses treat each other especially in front of the children. I want my son to see the way to treat a woman in the way my husband treats me. I am not referring to gifts (though that is nice), I am talking about kind words and actions that show love.
The tone of your voice. The words that are spoken. The sacrifice of your time. The things that keep a marriage strong and going even when getting along and growing old is challenging. During Sunday school, a kid gave me this answer while filling out the craft and it almost made me cry. This dad gets it and the child sees it.
Love your wife…lead your family.
My husband has for a long time had issues with the time I spend on social media. He often says I would choose my phone over him and feels he is second place to my Facebook.
I feel my time on my device has days where it gets excessive, but nothing out of control. My biggest issue is my focus. I find myself wanting to be accessible which often distracts me, but when I am busy the phone is not an issue.
However, to prove my love I deactivated my Facebook account so I can focus on my marriage. We shall see if it makes a difference, but it will at least prove I care enough to listen to his opinion and get outvof my comfort zone please him.
So far I have learned I have way more my time not on Facebook.😁
Sweet pic, huh?
Two days later, my marriage imploded. It happens to the best of couples.
It led us on a journey of healing, communicating and changing. It brought us to therapy and Christ.
If you are going to be married, get good at forgiveness.
You will need it.
Date nights. We almost forgot they existed. But if we want to put our marriage as a priority then time together must be scheduled. So a new commitment is to make time for each other. Time to talk. Time to laugh. Time to be alone. We seek a marriage built on God first and family second.
It is worth it.
For the past 8 years, rather than have a resolution, I have listened for a word to guide me. It is a spiritual thing. God chooses it and most years it is a word that stretches me.
2020 was vulnerable. It led me to foster care, Covid and Brene Brown.
2021 was grace. It guided me through a tough season in marriage, addiction and boundaries at work.
2022 will be Joy! Joy in the midst of circumstances. Joy when I feel it and when I don’t.
Joy if this beauty survives another year and Joy if she does not. Joy if I get better and Joy if it gets worse…Joy in a successful or failed marriage. Joy because of Jesus…nothing more or less.
I was super surprised when my husband texted to get a sitter, he had a reservation and we were going out. First, he is not romantic so him planning date night was super special and second the place was fancy! We had not been to a steak place in like a decade. Steaks were our norm before kids, but then who has 300 dollars for a meal (we drink a lot). So this was a splurge and I loved it!
I got to get super dressed up, take an hour to get ready, and we even did pre drinks and much needed talking. The roads were getting bad so we cut the night short to get the kid, but it was a night we needed and memories to last for the next decade when we do it again!
I love my spouse, but how we each show and receive love is very different. I am a quality time girl. Love to me is snuggles on the couch, date nights, sleeping in late, vacations to the beach. In short: time!
My husband is very different. He is Acts of Service. Love to him is work. He likes a clean house, a chore that needs to be done, working on a project together to get it done faster. Productivity and progress makes his day! So clearly we are different, so how do we make it work?
Step 1 is recognizing how the other receives love and doing it graciously. This is hard for me since I like to be comfortable and lazy. Step 2 is accepting just because we are giving, does not mean the other is receiving. I am on Cloud 9 on a date night, but he might be feeling nothing so I have to remember though my love tank is full…he still has room to be filled which means I have to be intentional about showing love even after a great night.
It is hard when two languages are so different but worth it when the marriage is working and growing. The question I have to keep asking is “Am I giving as much as I am receiving?” If I can honestly answer no then time to get to work!
Where has this show been and why am I just finding out about MAFS? I found it on Netflix with Season 9 and basically binge watched it…should have been doing laundry, dishes, dusting, tutoring…but there I was watching strangers try to make a marriage work.
I was glued.
To be honest, it made me appreciate my marriage and how far it has come since our early years. Our fights. Our arguments. Our venomous words or selfish actions. Watching these couples make mistakes reminded me of our journey and I felt proud that 15 years later, we are still here.
But watching these couples also made me think back to my list of what I wanted in a man and what were my dealbreakers. A big one for me is “I will not marry a man that pushes the snooze button.”
Do you have any picky deal breakers in finding your spouse?
My husband and I are like a professional-make-it-look-perfect couple. We have mastered the art of pictures. We often look happy with our smiles. We serve and greet at church. We host a church group in our home. We make it look good. But like everyone else we struggle behind closed doors. We argue a lot. We hold bitterness and discontent inside. Silent treatment is a thing. We get jealous and resentful. We blame each other and shut down.
We are normal, but always striving to be better. So do not look on Facebook or Instragram to really know the status of our relationship. Even going out with us will not say it all though you can probably learn more in our body language. We are the masters of disguise and we take it day by day doing what needs to be done to keep the family going.
If you can relate, then know you are not alone. If you read this and think this sounds absurd, then you might be a newlywed or need to share your secret.