Category Archives: pleasing my husband

Married at First Sight Addiction

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Where has this show been and why am I just finding out about MAFS? I found it on Netflix with Season 9 and basically binge watched it…should have been doing laundry, dishes, dusting, tutoring…but there I was watching strangers try to make a marriage work.

I was glued.

To be honest, it made me appreciate my marriage and how far it has come since our early years. Our fights. Our arguments. Our venomous words or selfish actions. Watching these couples make mistakes reminded me of our journey and I felt proud that 15 years later, we are still here.

But watching these couples also made me think back to my list of what I wanted in a man and what were my dealbreakers. A big one for me is “I will not marry a man that pushes the snooze button.”

Do you have any picky deal breakers in finding your spouse?

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Take the Trips

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Not much I disagree with Dave Ramsey about, but I found something big a year ago. Three years ago, I started down the path of becoming debt free. Our family always took trips during the summer and one of the big ways to save money was cut those out. So we did. For two years. We were sad, but we had a goal. Flash forward and we found ourselves fighting to save our marriage.

We had been so busy balancing our budget we forgot to balance our marriage. Neither of us realized those trips rejuvenated our marriage and reconnected us to each other. The two thousand dollar trip was now small compared to splitting up a quarter of a million in assets and attorney fees. We committed to always take the trip and figure out how to save elsewhere or bring in more income.

This weekend we took another get away that on paper does not look all good, but in our hearts was so worth it. We laughed, cried, listened, sang, chair danced, told stories and enjoyed each other. Away from the house and the chores. Away from the kid. Away from our city and friends. Just.us.two.

My favorite part of the night might be eating at 11pm at a restaurant totally picked by me. Now if we fought about money then none of this would be a good idea…I dream of the day of not being a slave to the lender, but when that day comes I want to be celebrating with my first and only husband so some seasons you just need to take the trip.

When Taylor Swift Lyrics speak to me…

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When Taylor Swift Lyrics speak to me…
Christmas in January

LoverTaylor Swift

We could leave the Christmas lights up ’til January
This is our place, we make the rules

Not very often I can say that Taylor Swift wrote the perfect lyrics for my relationship, but here I am saying it is true. I heard this over the weekend and immediately thought “Yes…she gets it!” My husband and I have always been delayed about taking down Christmas. We just love the house all red and green so much that is hard to let go. I usually don’t feel bad about it, but this year it almost felt like I was being lazy or letting go of my life and needing redirection.

Then I heard this song.

It finally all made sense again. It is my house! If I get joy from Christmas until late January then so be it. It kinda made something seemingly small special between my husband and I….Almost naughty, but we like it. I spent all of today slowly putting up the year round decor, but the tree still remains…it will come down tonight or this week so no worries, but we do the make the rules because like TS says “This is our place!”

That woman gets it!

Perfect on the Outside

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My husband and I are like a professional-make-it-look-perfect couple. We have mastered the art of pictures. We often look happy with our smiles. We serve and greet at church. We host a church group in our home. We make it look good. But like everyone else we struggle behind closed doors. We argue a lot. We hold bitterness and discontent inside. Silent treatment is a thing. We get jealous and resentful. We blame each other and shut down.

We are normal, but always striving to be better.  So do not look on Facebook or Instragram to really know the status of our relationship. Even going out with us will not say it all though you can probably learn more in our body language. We are the masters of disguise and we take it day by day doing what needs to be done to keep the family going.

If you can relate, then know you are not alone. If you read this and think this sounds absurd, then you might be a newlywed or need to share your secret.

Urban to Rural…year one done!

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Last year, I made a big career move by switching from Mesquite ISD to Crandall ISD. Big move meaning less pay, less resources, went from 34 elementary schools in the district to 4, went from a support role with less stress to the classroom which meant more preparation…a lot of change! Now that the year is over I can say it was the right move, but I still miss Mesquite greatly; it was my home and still where I feel the most me.

But looking back here is a list of some of the biggest changes:

1. Resources- no printer in my room, a rough curriculum that was new, no chart paper readily available, one person was the go to for all the curriculum needs vs having department heads. All of this obviously due to size…this district is growing, but some of these perks are not needed yet.

2. Freedom- freedom to make your plans as you see fit, to try new ideas, to leave on time, to focus on teaching and not testing. Returning to the classroom could have only been done if I could reduce the stress and this district was the answer.

3. Respect-at my campus families still respect the profession. Behavior was awesome because parents would punish if not. Parent phone calls made a difference; the student behavior was to blame and not the teacher. The community valued the profession…lots of respect for this passion I pursue.

4. Pride- Mesquite has pride, but with so many schools that pride is spread out. So many great schools leads for lots of ways to shine which Mesquite often will, but this small town vibe sends all their students to one high school which leads to one big ball of CHS pride. I will love this in the future when I want to see former students and know where to find them.

5. Purpose- there is purpose at both but in Mesquite I knew mine daily. There you are more than a teacher..you are life. More is expected of you emotionally and spiritually. Your coworkers are your soldiers fighting the urban education battle of poverty with you. I was emotionally fatigued daily but I was needed, changing lives and doing the impossible daily. 

6. Connection..this will be the last reflection, but the smaller district gets you connected quicker.  We meet as a whole district to cheer each other on, parades and pep rallies are attended by the town, Friday night lights is a thing, the admin knows you by name and make sure to address your concerns…the lack of Title One money means there is not as much stuff, but the relationship of knowing who you are is powerful.

The purpose one often has me question if I will return to Mesquite or at least a campus in this district that is more needy..maybe even middle school someday, but for now I am trying to remember I did my 14 years in the trenches and it is now time to see a different side. Still tough, still needed, still so much work but with some benefits so I do not get burnt out. 

I am especially excited because my son comes to school with me next year!

Hard to believe this baby is now five!

If you are thinking about switching districts, my advice is think about the location, money and then your health. Decide what you can balance.  I am fortunate we could take the pay cut. The new location limits us since my family and our activities are in Mesquite plus Crandall is limited on food and shopping. We drive a lot, but at least not in the morning like I used to do for two years commuting to work. Being in the classroom is long hours, but adding driving time means you are away from home even more.  For me, it came down to health. Even when I was crying because I missed my support system and school where I was known and loved…I knew I was healthier because I was less stressed and had help when I needed it. Lupus is a disease triggered by stress and I need the less stress possible. Being in the classroom filled my passion, but it also brought back work only a classroom teacher could know. 

Health won.

I encourage you to pray to God about where he can use you and then obey. When it is all happening then you will have peace if you are in his will. Even during the tough times then you will know God led you here and He is with you. 

Adding Blue Apron to my Life

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Cooking is my weakness. I am not one of those people that enjoys it…to me, it is work. I grew up in a home where we ate out 5 nights and cooked for two. I could so still do that as an adult. In fact, it is a joke that whenever my husband works late then we know food is being brought in so I am never mad about it. However, my husband’s childhood included home cooked meals 7 nights a week. He feels fat eating out more than twice in a week…it has been a issue (obviously).

We have tried a lot of compromises and all seem to start and fail. My cooking is at my best during the school year because it is part of our routine. The challenge is I cook the same things over and over. Simple meals that take no time to prepare…did I mention I do not like pasta? Yep, makes it harder. I have bought every cookbook under the sun and even paid to get recipes from websites. I have tried to spice it up, but once you have the recipe…you need the groceries. I start out strong then quit.

My perfect world would include a chef! In fact, if I have to remarry, then I am standing outside a cooking school and will grow to love the man. I should have made this part of my list.

So this week my husband agreed to let me purchase Blue Apron and see if that is our missing piece. We will get three meals with recipes and all the groceries included. A bonus is we even get to pick the dishes so we get what we like. I still have to cook it (we tried a gluten free meal delivery and that tanked also), but everything is here so no shopping. Our goal is to eat at home, eat healthier and save money on groceries because now I just shop for what we need rather than buy a bunch of food to someday or never to cook. 

My first attempt was Tuesday. Could not tell you what I made, but it had chicken. The recipe was easy, took about 45 minutes total, tasted good, fed my husband and I  (the child still eats his usual nuggets or turkey) and was quite simple to clean up. 

It is only one meal, but it is a start and I am hopeful it will help my husband to feel healthy and me to feel homemakerish. Stay tuned!