We are on Facebook Fast Day 10 and I think I am slowly getting used to life without it. I don’t find myself missing it as much since I have not been on it for ten days. I do catch myself wondering about certain people’s posts about various topics or feelings about world events that I know would have something to say, but I enjoy being separated from the drama. A coworker will ask me if I saw so and so’s post etc., but I can honestly say no and I have no idea what is going on. I do feel isolated from current events or from social happenings around the community; the main reason I joined is because a friend was moving to Australia and a different one got engaged and I had no idea because they thought I knew through Facebook. People don’t call each other to share news or even email…they just post it on Facebook, so I feel I am missing out on that, but you have to take the good with the bad.
I went for my semi-annual Lupus check up today. It is only on these days that I remember I have a chronic disease that is in constant need of monitoring. Only on days like today where I see how bad my disease could be that I appreciate the mildness of it all even if it is inconvenient. For the first time ever, I got a bone density scan to measure if my bones were deteriorating due to the steroids I take daily. I did surprise the machine guy with my scoliosis. He thought I was sitting straight at first, but then realized it was my back and calmed down. Thankfully the test had positive results. We took my usually two vials of blood to monitor that the levels stayed the same and then did my normal check up. This time I had a concern because my scalp has developed these lesions that are causing my hair to thin in areas and I am not having that hair loss! He recommended a visit to the Dermatologist but assured me it was an effect of the disease and the hair will likely grow back. I can tell that I am in a flare or about to be because of my extreme weight loss. I am down five pounds, but eating more or as normal. I like the natural weight loss, but will not tolerate hair loss…I guess you got to take the good with the bad!
Finally, my son is in the Terrible Twos in full swing. The amount of “mine” “no” “I don’t want to” and pure break downs when things do not go his way are intense. We call him bipolar Callen because one minute he is on top of the world and the next he is sprawled out on the floor. We are trying to balance the thought that he is learning these bad behaviors to get our attention with this is just the age and we must push through it. We are constantly reinforcing him to use his words and express his feelings while punishing using time out when necessary. The good thing is our caretakers report he does well for them and the meltdowns are non-existent or minimal, but not sure why we get all the good stuff. Hoping we are not encouraging the bad behaviors without knowing it, but we have no idea are just trying to do our best. As I am fussing at him for taking out the chicken hammer, spilling the bubbles, putting his sock in the water and carrying the laundry basket into the shower…I thought I was about to reach my breaking point. In my mind, I was thinking “we are not going to make it out of the twos” and then my mind went back to the mother that lost her 17 month old girl on Thursday and I know she would give anything to have the terrible twos. I know she would sell all she owned to have one more day of spills, tears, messes and meltdowns. I appreciate that I am blessed to have these moments with him…the good ones and the bad.
The good news is: Facebook Fast, Lupus and infamous two year old behaviors–I am blessed with the good and the bad. Humbled tonight in so many ways especially knowing that the sweet parent tonight endured her child’s viewing. I know God is good and He loves us. I know God is faithful and His promises are true, but this one has rocked me. Why give that good and perfect gift to later take it away? I know she is in a better place, but my heart hurts at the thought. Her story has rocked me today. I know she will get up and breathe and take it day by day and hour by hour…I know she will find the strength, but I wish she did not have to.