I was super surprised when my husband texted to get a sitter, he had a reservation and we were going out. First, he is not romantic so him planning date night was super special and second the place was fancy! We had not been to a steak place in like a decade. Steaks were our norm before kids, but then who has 300 dollars for a meal (we drink a lot). So this was a splurge and I loved it!
I got to get super dressed up, take an hour to get ready, and we even did pre drinks and much needed talking. The roads were getting bad so we cut the night short to get the kid, but it was a night we needed and memories to last for the next decade when we do it again!
2020 was the year our trauma was exposed. The year we had a moment to step back and see what God was seeing. Busyness. Greed. Selfishness. Chasing after the wind to gain power, success, money…but losing family, health and righteousness.
2021 can be the year to repair what the trauma exposed. Relationships with family, clarity in our mission, a new way of doing things. A greater focus on what matters and what you really “need” to thrive. God’s way is simple, but costs us everything. God’s way brings life.
2021 is the year of new habits. New mindsets that 2020 revealed are needed. Mindsets of humility, grace, health, knowledge of God’s word, seeing trials as a process for change.
This year starts some new healthy habits that will be game changers.
1. Reading the entire Bible. God gives us direct access to Him and I am taking advantage of it.
2. Changing what I put into my body. More water specifically.
3. Discipline through CG workouts. Build muscle, grow lung strength, push yourself mentally and encourage others around you. Take an hour for yourself to take care of your body and grow your mental toughness.
4. Choosing family and quality relationships while putting down the things that keep us from it. My FB friends do not fulfill me more than family.
5. Financial freedom. Stop using things to buy happiness. Get out of debt .
I struggle being generous because I fear not paying bills, but the truth is I am spending all my money on things for myself to make me happier. Time to stop.
This year is the year to make changes needed now that God has my attention.
I am putting it out to the universe a few goals I have for 2021 in hopes to hold myself accountable:
Goal 1: continue with Camp Gladiator to gain strength and good health. Of all the things in 2020 that make me proud, starting an exercise routine and sticking with it is at the top of my list. I pay more than I prefer, but I go and that is huge! I see results in my arms, abs and ass…also a positive. I feel more confident and my clothes fit. So the money is worth the confidence! I have paid gym memberships for years and never go so this works for me!
Goal 2: community. 2020 taught me to be vulnerable and be brave with people. I already joined a water group, Bible reading group and Camp Gladiator and hope to continue to step out with people. I have thought a lot about what people would say at my funeral and I hope they say “she was love”. My quote last year was “How do people feel about themselves in your presence?” I hope it is something positive!
Goal 3: get a foster care placement. This involves finishing the paperwork and application process so lots to do to reach this goal.
Goal 4: most important read the whole Bible this year. Growing closer to God and bearing more fruit that shows the light of Christ is always top priority but often my calendar and time does not show it, so accomplishing this will be huge for me.
Goal 5: continue to grow myself as a writer through this blog! Writing is my thing that I know God has gifted me to do and I pray to use this gift for His glory.
Reading about the Naya Rivera story…a story of a mother that used her last bit of energy to save her son before drowning…hit me hard as a mom.
I feel her frantic trying to keep her child safe.
I feel her fatigue using all her energy for another’s life.
I feel her panic that she cannot swim any longer.
I feel her love for her child and his future.
I know if she had any fight left in her or clarity of mind to make a plan then she would have done more/anything to save herself. As a mom, we want to be on the front row of watching our children succeed. Nothing breaks my heart more than to imagine not being able to see my child grow up. Not being the one to give the hugs, cheers and watch them grow into adults. I know it devastated her to not get into that boat with him. She gave her life for him.
“No greater love than to lay down your life for a friend.”
Jesus understands this kind of love for His children. He gave his life for me. He chose to die so that I could live. He gave all his energy and breathed his final breath only after He knew I was safe. I owe him my life.
I owe it to God to live my life to the fullest because He sacrificed his for mine. I owe it to God to be thankful for the gift. I owe it to him to tell others about this love.
I do not understand much about parenting, but I get the deep love for the life of a child. I will forever be connected to Naya Rivera on this deep love that you would use your last ounce of energy before letting go. Praying for her family as they navigate a future without her and praying for hearts to be opened that this kind of love is found in Jesus Christ for you and me.
I am life long introvert. Being in quarantine is sweet relief. I like people, but on my terms. Parts this ordeal feel like bliss. But even as an introvert, I value connections. Facebook offers me all the feels. A like, comment, emoji that says “me too” or “I feel you!” I often fail to check up on people because I withdraw all to myself, but God is teaching me to be more aware of the community that maybe I do not need…but that others need from me. And truthfully maybe I need more than I think I do.
Case in point, I was dreading this zoom with my church community group. What will we say? Will we talk over each other? Is it a waste of time? But the time spent laughing, sharing stories, giving encouragement and hope filled my spirit. I walked away knowing I am not alone.
My son is experiencing it too. Noises and people and new are not him, but even on camera he found himself showing off his stuff. It is how we live life. Sharing and connecting can fuel the soul. I pray to be so in love with Jesus that He comes out in me, but I know I have a long way to go. But in these moments where we all feel the same pain and are enduring similar moments then the connection is a powerful thing that can lift us up and keep us going. If you find yourself lonely, lacking a listening ear or just feel abandoned…message me. You are not alone.