I feel good at this mom thing about 85% of the time. I get him to school daily, we bathe daily, he eats every day, I get him his medicine and yearly appts. Overall, he is living large. But then school projects pop up or parent homework as I call it and this girl falls a part. Sure other parents think “Poor kid” as he carries his lunchables to school daily, or this mom shows up to parties late or forgets to sign the folder again. But school projects make them shout “Is she even trying!?” Exhibit A: 100th day of school shirt. The poor boy practically refused to wear it. It fell over him like cardboard and ruined one of his favorite shirts.
Exhibit B: That sad robot VDay box that was basically me saying “I am wrapping this box in foil, you figure out the rest.” Thankful this kid does not feel the need to compete because this mama is not helping his chances.
This is the face of ADHD. As a teacher, I have often seen it as a setback. It keeps the student from working and keeps the student from sitting, but overall not a huge deal in the world of health problems. Then I became the parent of a child with ADHD. To be fair he is more ADD then anything else, but the new trend is to say it is all ADHD and that is fair since distracted decisions can be hyper ones too.
The truth is my son is the most amazing kid! He sees things outside the box for what they could be and not what they are right now. He is full of life, joy, curiosity and wonder. To be honest, entering school has beat a lot of that out of him as testing and being on grade level has overtaken his beautiful mind. He is a challenge to teach and parent, but no other kid will change you like he will…he just makes you see life differently.
As a parent, I can now see why it is considered a disability under Other Health Impairment and is under the umbrella of special education. His ADHD keeps him from learning, being organized, making transitions, keeping friendships, taking tests (and we know school has become one giant test), and socially keeps him acting at a grade level below his which really influences his behavior. As a parent, it is scary to think about him driving and working and even keeping a family…it really does make life as we know it hard, but he hardly notices it. As his parents, we have to teach him to manage it, overcome it and make adjustments to the way his brain works.
As his mom, we have to call in his prescription month by month as it is not refillable and we have to see the doctor quarterly to update progress. Getting medicines is not as easy as some may believe and is very expensive for all those teachers like myself that just said “medicate”. You have to be diligent in getting medical attention and be willing to pay for it. We tried everything before medication including CBD oils since we know all the risks and did not want to lose the personality of our son…but in the end we knew he needed them to function and to learn. It was best for him and we would never say no to medicating his epilepsy, so why say no to medicating this.
I write all this to say if you are like my brother and say ADHD does not exist…you are wrong-this is real. It is more than being a boy or just a kid if you truly have it…it may be over diagnosed…but it is real. If you are a teacher and say that discipline at home can fix it, wrong again. Discipline sometimes beats the kid down as my son was always in trouble. We said all too often, “try harder”, “pay attention”, “listen”…truth is he couldn’t and was trying harder than most. If you are a parent saying that medication seems wrong, maybe try other things first, but at the end of the day if it affects learning and day to day living then ask yourself “Would I not give him cough medicine if he was coughing?” I truly believe this is an illness of the brain and needs and the child needs extra help to do what others can do on their own.
Obviously, a true diagnosis takes lots of time, discernment and doctor approval, but I write this to speak up for the kids that need you to know the truth. The image above is my son 100%. I see now how much he endures to do very common things and how we need to support, encourage, but also teach him to manage his symptoms. I want to be sure I am not always beating him down with my misunderstanding. I also want to be sure I treat my students with this disability with respect as well. I need to create the classroom environment where these kids can thrive! The truth is we can all do better to understand this and support those that have it or the families navigating these murky waters.
This is my workspace 30 minutes after my son gets out of school
Every once in a while, I will have one of those parenting moments that are hard to put into words. Those moments that you cannot believe you are here. I have had a few lately as we cross the path into medicine for my son.
My son was diagnosed with seizures at 3 1/2 and has been on meds ever since. We have always known we live in a world of EEGs and MRIs, but we thought that was the bulk of it. We knew he had a bit of a wild side, but many boys do and then he started school…we learned his wild is wilder than normal and it is affecting his learning
So now we are on new uncharted territory. Riding the rapids of ADHD medication and testing for learning disabilities for all the time that focus might have kept him from learning. Hard to be sitting here having these conversations of side effects and dosage but here we are. In the middle of the chaos, God spoke to me at a worship night.
“You were made to be his mom. You were created for this.”
No one will advocate, fight, champion, and dig my heels in the dirt more than me. No one is more stubborn and will do all things possible to ensure he learns. God chose me to parent him…I was born to love this child. This may be new territory, but we will conquer it together.
Parenting is hard. Let’s face it there is no manual yet we all do the best we can. I found this in our backyard and it made me stop and think about how I can improve as a parent. My husband and I parent differently…not sure if it is a gender thing, but we do make different decisions at different times. Baths are optional for me, food can be eaten anywhere, matching is important…I cringe before teeth brushing time; the tough things in parenting scare me. I tend to avoid the meltdowns while my husband walks right into them boldly.
But one thing he has mastered is being present. He plays, he colors, he draws, he throws, he catches, he mows only when kid can ride with him. He seizes the opportunities to have togetherness. I tend to work, clean or be busy instead. I am a work in progress and I know it is an area that I need to improve, but I tend to take the lazy way out. It could be my number 9 nature where I like things easy and this is where parenting is hard; doing the things that tire you out as I do not have the energy of a 5 year old. But thankfully my husband is there to step in where I fail as I continually change to be better. I want my son to remember those times of playing just he and I and way more than I want him to remember the house was clean or I finished my last book. So I proclaim that this will be the area I focus on this next school year to follow the motto “Wherever you are-be all there!” I will focus on doing what needs to be done to be present even if it means the things around me are less than perfect. This motto will be part of my classroom as well as I miss great conversations trying to get all my work completed.
Thankful for the fathers out there on this weekend made for you. Thankful for you for all that you do that makes your kids smile. Thankful you carry the load with us mamas!
This is normally our Fair Day, but instead we went to the Dallas Zoo. It was perfect! I crowded, great weather, no major meltdowns, ice cream, animals, rides, toys and glory to God for safe travels. Now that we live in Kaufman, trips to the zoo require a drive and directions but I got there and back safely and without getting lost…go me!
Fun times are happening in our house as we explore the terrible twos. I have heard threes are worse, but twos have kept us pretty busy. Overall, he is a very happy and polite child as long as he is rested. It helps that he is very verbal and pretty easy going. But he is a sponge of new learning and recently he has started this thing where he crosses his arms and yells out when he does not get his way. The yelling is a little obnoxious as that “no” thing can get old quick, but the crossing his arms and shaking his head is quite funny. It is amazing how he puts it all together to create quite a scene. I finally had the phone nearby to take a pic as I know even the irritating moments will be a beautiful memory someday.
The good news is: I am giggling out loud as I can hear my husband shout “Don’t run from me!” Speaking to a toddler that loves to be outside and refuses to come back in. Ha! These are those beautiful times that make you laugh while you scream. These are the events that will be talked about when we meet his girlfriend for the first time.
I have several friends that swear by Young Living oils. I wanted to try them, but after looking at the price became disinterested. While shopping at Vitamin World, I found a collection of oils in the aisle. I tried the big ones: Lavender, Peppermint, Tea Tree and Eucalyptus. I became addicted! I am a scent girl (think wax warmers in four rooms) and began to hunt for more. Eventually I stumbled upon Edens Garden and now I am hooked for life.
I use Lavender and Thieves to calm my sleepy baby and protect from illness. I used Clove during teething and Lemon for his allergies. I use peppermint for his belly aches and Tea Tree for cuts and scrapes.
I am more a blend girl for myself. Stay Alert is put on my pulse points at lunch to keep me going. Good Night is my sleeping blend, Calm and Peace is diffused for anxiety and Stress Relief is for those hectic testing times at school. There is even an Age Defy for wrinkles…trying to delay Botox. PMS blend calms my monthly visits and there is even a blend for those in the mood moments. Too far? Sorry.
Finally, I have recently begun trying blends to keep my Lupus in check. Copaiba, Renew and Frankinsence (sp?) is good for the immune system and Muscle Relief calms my aching joints.
I have recently bought a set for my parents to try as they were asking how I kept from getting sick (so far) this winter. I feel like things you love you should share 🙂
Obviously, I continue my Plaquenil and Prednisone but these added to the mix keep the doses low and the flares at bay. I have no idea how they work…it may be all mental, but I tell people it does not hurt to try it. I write this post not to anger or argue with Young Living reps, do what works for you (do not get me started on Scentsy vs Home and Garden wax) I just want to share an often not discussed option for those as freaked out as me over a forty dollar bottle of oil.
The good news is: God is the ultimate healer and oils do not replace a doctor. I am a believer in modern medicine, too, but these smell great and are all natural so why not?