Category Archives: 2020

When God speaks through your Word of the Year

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I have chosen a word of the year to guide me the last 5 years. I call it “my word that empowers”. It starts in prayer then follows listening until I hear God speaking his will over my life. This year God and I fought about it as the word He chose made no sense.

Vulnerable.

Who wants to be vulnerable? Isn’t that weakness? Doesn’t it mean open to attack? It was clear that this was my word but it made no sense and I felt embarrassed to share it. So I began to research and found a great author and TedTalk that really shed light on the power that comes with bring vulnerable so I embraced it. Even made a bracelet!

My husband and I are getting more info on the process of fostering children in our home. A process we feel God putting on our hearts. We contacted our first choice agency and this is what we got in response.

God speaks. A word that made no sense was a guiding star to a future He has in store. Now it all is clear and we have a Word of the Year to thank.

Kobe’s Death and the Picture of Ecclesiastes

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Dec 7, 2015; Toronto, Ontario, CAN; Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant (24) salutes the crowd reaction

Like the rest of the world, Kobe Bryant’s death was shocking. Almost unreal. One night, we are watching THE Lebron James break his record and filling our hearts and minds with all of his accomplishments and accolades and 12 hours later we are mourning his death.

Unreal.

Yet it is real. A 41 year old man with all the power, praise, success in his field, intelligence, artistry, family and promise can also be the same man that passes in helicopter crash on a random Sunday morning. A life, a legacy, a legend…gone. All I can think is that this is the meaning of life that King Solomon tried to warn us about.

It reminds me of the book Ecclesiastes where the wise author goes on about all he has accomplished and in the end it is meaningless when you compare it to eternity. We amass these great things, these great rewards and this great promise all to see it passed on to the next generation before we die.

Our time on Earth is that short.

It just gets me thinking about what it is all about when you have it all and still will someday die. It blows my mind. No jersey, no ring, no trophy to take with you yet you leave your legacy and torch for the next generation and next person to carry if you do it right. Lessons from Ecclesiastes:

  1. Life is beautiful, but mysterious and foggy. We cannot always see what is up ahead, but we know something is there.
  2. Our time on Earth is short compared to Eternity.
  3. We all die.
  4. Fear God and trust His creation to bring meaning to our time together on Earth.

Amazing how a basketball icon can be the perfect visual of a beautiful book of the Bible and a representation of our lives. I write this with the upmost respect for a man that did it well on and off the court. His legacy is so much more than basketball and can even get a girl like me thinking about day to day living and how I can make it better. How I can make my days count since they are numbered and take my eyes off of the unimportant and fleeting.

I will now have a clearer picture of my life in Jesus and how true the words of King Solomon are to all of us even today. I pray for those that are deeply struggling with this loss and what it means that maybe they can seek truth in the book Ecclesiastes as it is about a King seeking wisdom in a world that often seems confusing. It is a powerful thing to be reminded that when it does not make sense to seek the truth in God. I pray for his family and all the families affected in that crash…I know we all focus on one man and his daughter, but other important lives were lost too. I pray all those lives will be honored as we honor the one that was most public.

When Taylor Swift Lyrics speak to me…

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When Taylor Swift Lyrics speak to me…
Christmas in January

LoverTaylor Swift

We could leave the Christmas lights up ’til January
This is our place, we make the rules

Not very often I can say that Taylor Swift wrote the perfect lyrics for my relationship, but here I am saying it is true. I heard this over the weekend and immediately thought “Yes…she gets it!” My husband and I have always been delayed about taking down Christmas. We just love the house all red and green so much that is hard to let go. I usually don’t feel bad about it, but this year it almost felt like I was being lazy or letting go of my life and needing redirection.

Then I heard this song.

It finally all made sense again. It is my house! If I get joy from Christmas until late January then so be it. It kinda made something seemingly small special between my husband and I….Almost naughty, but we like it. I spent all of today slowly putting up the year round decor, but the tree still remains…it will come down tonight or this week so no worries, but we do the make the rules because like TS says “This is our place!”

That woman gets it!

Vanity over Sanity

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It is officially 2020 and it seems that everywhere you look it is about weight lifting or weight loss…getting thin or getting bigger…going to the gym or going to the grave….everyone has an opinion. Something I have learned from being married to a man that seems to also be married to the gym is that the better they look…the more insecurity there seems to be. I am not saying everybody, but surprisingly more people than I thought struggle with this idea of getting older, getting fat or getting behind. Some go to shortcuts to create an edge through shots or surgery or pills etc. All of that leads to a quick fix for the moment, but if the mind is not right the self doubts will always come back. In short, it seems some choose vanity over sanity and the issue does not seem to be disappearing anytime soon.

My husband and I argue about this a lot because with Lupus, I need to work out, but I always feel so tired. I always feel like if I had an extra hour in my day it would be for anything else than the gym. However, what I am finding is I actually do feel better whenever I get in there. I am not like my husband with the discipline to go at whatever cost, but I have found myself trying to make it more than I ever had previously. Something about the pre-workout, the right music, the right protein shake and being by myself in the gym excites me. There are all kinds of workouts, but I am still a good old fashion gym rat through and through. (Just do not check my attendance please!) Here lately my go to has been nutrition shakes that cost half my salary, but make me feel like I am putting forth effort to have that beach body by July.

If you saw me you would likely roll your eyes that I am even writing about weight loss as I am a small girl, but my issue is to turn fat into muscle and not look like the wind could kick my a@#. It is true…my arms are weak, but my mind makes up for it. I pray at some point that we can all get to a place of appreciation, of self check when we need to get it together rather than others opinions deciding for us, a place where vanity and sanity can coexist and aging will be just as sexy as Carrie Underwood’s legs. But until then my plan of action is to tell myself and others they are beautiful and worthy and enough. To stay healthy for life, to stay emotionally and mentally grounded for the good of your well being and be okay with the person God created whatever phase of life you are in. 2020 will be the best year yet!

New Year Resolutions: Hype or Happiness?

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My Facebook feed is full of Resolutions, Vision Boards, Goal setting and so much more to welcome in the New Year.  I love a good goal setting party and I especially love having a plan, but reading these exhaust me each year and I have been trying to understand why.

Here are some ideas:

I am a quitter so I quit even before I start? (Enneagram 9 problems)

It exhausts me to plan for all that work.

Jealousy for that kind of vision.

I think for me it hypes up the I will, the I want, and the Someday leaving behind the right now. (This is also why I cannot do Pinterest.)  I know we all need vision and goals for many jobs, projects and ideas, but I want to live my life in the present.  I refuse to miss out on the many moments of now.  All of this writing will be frowned upon by many successful people including the great Rachel Hollis that has built her empire on goals, visions and more.  I cannot wrong them as they are sitting in private jets while I am behind this outdated computer, but I want contentment.  I want to be a visionary while appreciating the magic of today.  I choose to celebrate the new year with a new word and a new saying to live by.

Previous words and years:

Do it afraid.  Do not let your fear be greater than your faith.  Change is an opportunity to do something amazing. Wherever you are, be all there.

The words that went with these sayings were balance, faith, fearlessness, presence and selfless.

This year my big word is VULNERABLE with the saying “What you know matters, who you are MATTERS MORE.

I want my year, my experiences, my adventures to be full of connectedness, whole-heart and all-in kinda-live-in-the-moment opportunities. Vulnerable is hard for me since it can be seen as weakness, but I see it as courage to put myself out there and really feel.  No holding back. I always say that I do not choose the word-it chooses me.  God plants a seed and then I wait and listen until he speaks up to confirm.  I thought at one time it was journey, but then the V word just kept popping back up until I finally surrendered.

So good for you if you can handle the resolutions and goals of tomorrow.  Not knocking the idea, but just saying it does not work for me.  I do have all the supplies for a vision board that may someday come to life, but for now I am excited about what being vulnerable in my relationships and moments of now might bring.  For my first vulnerable step of 2020, I upgraded this blog to a premium site!  It may not bring me any more traffic, likes or comments, but I feel it validates (another v word) that I want this to be more than just for myself. So I am putting my words out there to see what might happen.

Happy 2020!