Author Archives: intunewithmyautoimmune

About intunewithmyautoimmune

I am a 41 year old woman living with Lupus, dealing with infertility and pursued adoption-he is ours! In spite of it all and because of it all, I am blessed.

The Trauma I Never Knew I Had…

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Covid has wreaked havoc on education. Sub shortages, teachers leaving the profession, kids with anxiety and on medication…now even the leaders are retiring. So the big question is “Why?”

The short answer is apathy. In order to keep schools afloat and not ruin an academic future, schools required as little as possible. We took one grade per week, made most assignments optional, gave a choice to show up in person…we made learning easy and students got comfortable. However, what we were doing was hardly education. We were surviving.

When schools reopened, we again made many things optional and the virtual experience became a joke. Students got a year of very minimal learning as most teachers were forced to do a hybrid learning model. So now even though school was back in session, the learning struggled as teachers were overwhelmed balancing both. Later, Texas tested all of our kids while saying it did not count…was a baseline for the future. Wrong!

HB4545 is attempting to bridge the gaps of the horrific scores that “did not count” while frustrating teachers and making them feel defeated. Students have seen how minimal effort can bring a grade and failing is still nearly impossible so why put in more than the minimal? Then we got the sub issue.

Certain districts pay more than others so subs are really community members that love their community.

Watching the Amazing Race episode 3 when they shut down due to Covid, reminded me I have trauma. Trauma from life shutting down and my job closing. Trauma from sending kids home with one hug and a good bye. Trauma from virtual teaching. Trauma from homeschooling as a teacher. Trauma from learning new things and putting them to use quickly. Trauma from wanting to teach but realizing we are just giving a grade…most kids did as little as possible.

The teacher trauma is real!

Now we have schools with anxious students and teachers and leaders in very stressful situations. Balancing everyone’s mental health and not wanting anyone to break.

So here we are…brave educators digging in deep to ride this out. Kids are fragile so we all must walk carefully. No other job impacts children like teaching and I am here to stay…but things are challenging as you have to choose between scores and sanity.

It is what is, but the more support the better! Parents show you care. Teachers check on each other. Leaders show grace and compassion and serve your staff. Students come to school to learn. We can conquer this together. God is with us and suffering produces perseverance. The answers are complicated, but hope and love are strong and I believe in our business and system.

Just Cycle!

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I love Camp Gladiator, but sometimes you need to mix it up. So happy to share I found cycling! A new gym opened up in Kaufman called Arise. It is more elite with top notch equipment and technology. I have not tried everything, but I am hooked on their cycling!

Hear me now…it is expensive. 20 dollars a class…makes CG look cheap, but it hurts so good! I love you can track your performance, set goals, compete as a team and it is inside! Hot, cold, rainy…you are good!

Recently I found the love of theme classes! Praise and worship class to feed my soul. Lil Wayne to feed my inner hip hop. Lizzo to feed my diva. The music gets me going as I push myself to new records or just release my stress.

Of course, I still love my CG. Recently I found Camp Gladiator on demand workouts and Quick hitters have hit the spot! 30 minutes- you can do anything. No need to carve 2 hours out of your day…just get it done and check it off!

The live part makes it interactive but sometimes you need people so going in person is nice too. Whatever you choose to do to focus on your health…just move!!

You will not regret it!

Staff Development from Abbott Elementary

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I love a good teacher comedy! Something about sharing a teacher experience is refreshing. No matter where or what you teach…we are connected.

Our community is strong.

So when Abbott Elementary on ABC came on, I got excited because I love a good laugh especially when it involves my job. However as I started watching, it was more than laughter-I felt tears then heartache and surprisingly I learned something.

So here is my professional development from the first 3 episodes:

Episode one- The Pilot- Learn from others. Teaching is a humbling job and the best thing you can do is model your skills while learning from others. Love how the new teacher came in hot with energy, buy was humble to seek the wisdom of the veterans.

Episode 2- Avoid teacher burnout! The kids need all kinds of teachers and teachers need each other as well. Experience is priceless in this business so avoid the burnout by doing what you can do and letting go of the rest. Lesson 2- “say what you need to say and move on” Teaching has tough conversations, but do not be afraid to have them! Parents, admin, fellow teachers…speak up, but then move on. This takes practice!!

Episode 3-Drawings are love! It is so true that teachers get jealous when students love certain teachers more than others. I cannot count all the times I have grimaced when a student makes something for her, but not me. When a kid draws a picture or writes a note…that is love! Nothing warms your heart more especially when it is unexpected or from a “big kid”! Lesson 2-throw it away! Teachers hoard! We love to turn what is not into something that could be….it is the art of teaching. But trash is trash and sometimes we just need to throw it away! Moving rooms can be a blessing if you can be brave enough to throw it away! After 20 years, the crap I have is amazing…I need to be like Elsa and let it go!

Looking forward to episode 4 and what else I can learn from teacher comedy! Of course it is exaggerated and over the top…disinterested principal, grumpy janitor, fire hazard lights…but then again depending where you work maybe not. Either way support an educator…we need you right now!

Back at it!

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Returned to my first Camp Gladiator workout in over 3 months since I began to lose weight (15 pounds to be exact). I knew I had no calories to burn so I rested, but working out is muscle, mental clarity in addition to weight loss. I missed my people and time for myself, so I am back! Ready to sculpt and firm!

Which Flare? What does a Lupus flare feel like?

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Today I go to two doctors to check on symptoms of inflammation. One is an eye doctor…my eyes have been on fire lately and the second is my regular check up to see if the Methextrate is working or we need to try something new. Many Lupus drugs have serious side effects, so I need to be careful and check blood work often.

Going to the doctor today got me thinking about all my flares the past ten years. I often get asked “What does a flare feel like?” My response is “Which one?”

My first flare was my worst…achy joints, high fever always, weight loss, fatigue, cold all the time. We started Plaquenil and within three months I was feel good again…a new norm of anemia, infertility and fatigue always, but not hurting.

My second big flare was achy joints, fatigue and hair loss. Patches of bald spots and an itchy scalp that kinda surprised me since I did not know my hair was connected to auto immune issues

My third big flare was my scariest. Lung inflammation. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I could not catch my breath and my chest hurt. Again, no clue my lungs could be connected to my Lupus.

This one has lasted the longest…mirrored more Rheumatoid arthritis than Lupus. It caused me to change my meds to focus on joint pain rather than fatigue. It caused my hands to go crooked and surprisingly has impacted my eyes. No clue if it is inflammation or allergy or random coincidence but my eyes have been burning. This flare also impacted my weight and fatigue and now thinning hair. A big surprise is the new inflammation in my stomach…food does not process which makes me feel malnourished.

The crazy thing is insurance causes me to need referrals and it is hard to know what can be treated with a GP versus a specialist. So much is determined by Lupus and is just confusing. So my goal today is to get answers and maybe a better plan. I feel good mentally, but Lupus can cause depression too and I have had that this time as well. Pray that God leads me to answers and wisdom today!

I am blessed with all the advancements in this tricky disease. I am learning to accept myself at my lowest weight, infertile, bruised from blood thinners, thin hair that does not grow out and feeling tired all the time. Learning I am who I am with this disease. No one can truly understand it through my eyes and what I go through each day to make it to the next as a mom and teacher and wife…but God is using this for His glory! Adoption and more has been a gift in this and I am not dead. I have felt like dying is near at times or even frustrated that my quality of life at 42 is so different …if this is 42 what will 62 feel like…will I live to see 72? Does my child get the mother he deserves?

In it all, I will take this life and live it awake. I will appreciate what I do have through a support system and medical team. God is good!

Today I am focusing on Psalm 136:1. I am giving thanks to God. Thankful for my body. Thankful for my medical team. Thankful for prescription drugs. Thankful for a supportive husband. Thankful for prayer. Thankful for days to take off for the doctor. Thankful for the beauty in the ashes. Thankful on purpose.

January 1st is just another day…

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To me January 1st is just another day. Whatever vision you had on December 31st could be done then…why wait? Why be dramatic about January 1st…it seems like it is setting one up to get on this hig emotional high then fail. However, I do love graduations to reflect and endings call for new beginnings.

Four areas I want to examine:

Relationships

Relationship goals…lifelong friends where you can be vulnerable and fail, but they pick you up.

Spiritual Habits

calendar of praying for a child

Health-mind and physical. I am hopeful to get answers to my weight loss, gain some weight, and not let inflammation bring me down.

My CG trainer and my spin class teacher- mix up the workouts!

Reading-both to grow and for pleasure

Bible Recap Reading Plan

I see these four areas as important to me and areas where I can grow. Work is important too and I have goals there…but at my stage of life…so much time is spent on making a name for myself as a teacher that it is exhausting. Sometimes I just need to live my life and bring that to the curriculum I know.

Teacher friends
Always a learner

My school family!

So today, give yourself grace. Notice the baby steps to be better, but do not suffocate yourself with strict guidelines. Enjoy the journey!

Be you and embrace it!
Appreciate where you are! Some may see this as being complacent but I see it as being content. You are enough!
I love hearing feedback from people I trust, but you cannot make everyone happy.
Move forward afraid.
This is a fun tool to track exercise or books read or classes attended…

Happy 2022. The year I blog until I get busy again!

The face I make returning to school after a long break!

Cycling

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I did a new thing tonight and tried my first cycling class in like 10 years. First, cycling has changed a lot in those 10 years. It use to be okay to just look like you are working hard…now there is a screen that calls you out when you slack. Now there are lights and fancy technology and weights WITH cycling.

Mind blown.

Feels part club and part gym, but it is full intensity and very good workout. I have a feeling my legs will be sore especially since I have not worked out in 3 months.

Strongly encourage you to grab your friends and make it a girls night! Get your workout on for mind clarity and body workout!

Lupus and Keeping it Real

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I am going to be honest. I will never know if I have Covid because the symptoms feel like Lupus. Yesterday I began to get what felt like a migraine. Light hurt my eyes and I had a massive headache. Started running a fever and felt achy then began to just feel worn down.

Was I getting sick? Who knows but it hurt and hurt bad. I took a bunch of meds…Sinus pills, Advil, Prednisone and did a nasal rinse. Slowly starting to feel better, but if I ever had Covid then I would have no clue without a test.

Lupus can be tricky like that. Deceptive. Sneaky. Painful. If you suffer from an autoimmune disease I feel for you…it is hard especially with Covid around right now!

Word of the Year

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For the past 8 years, rather than have a resolution, I have listened for a word to guide me. It is a spiritual thing. God chooses it and most years it is a word that stretches me.

2020 was vulnerable. It led me to foster care, Covid and Brene Brown.

2021 was grace. It guided me through a tough season in marriage, addiction and boundaries at work.

2022 will be Joy! Joy in the midst of circumstances. Joy when I feel it and when I don’t.

Joy if this beauty survives another year and Joy if she does not. Joy if I get better and Joy if it gets worse…Joy in a successful or failed marriage. Joy because of Jesus…nothing more or less.

Health Update

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Still no weight loss answers, but up to 102 from 98 pounds so go me! Slowly starting to get back into Camp Gladiator, but added the virtual option so I can go at my own pace. Dressing the weight loss since it is my new normal. Hoping and praying it is nothing more serious and I am fool for not seeking the answers. I feel light headed sometimes but I am small so that makes sense. Really striving to be closer to Jesus and hoping his wisdom brings me clarity to seek the right doctors.

Lupus and inflammation will always be in my story, but hoping to get on the right meds to feel good and take care of my temple.

Pray with me!