I am a 40 year old woman living with Lupus, dealing with infertility and pursued adoption-he is ours! In spite of it all and because of it all, I am blessed.
Where has this show been and why am I just finding out about MAFS? I found it on Netflix with Season 9 and basically binge watched it…should have been doing laundry, dishes, dusting, tutoring…but there I was watching strangers try to make a marriage work.
I was glued.
To be honest, it made me appreciate my marriage and how far it has come since our early years. Our fights. Our arguments. Our venomous words or selfish actions. Watching these couples make mistakes reminded me of our journey and I felt proud that 15 years later, we are still here.
But watching these couples also made me think back to my list of what I wanted in a man and what were my dealbreakers. A big one for me is “I will not marry a man that pushes the snooze button.”
Do you have any picky deal breakers in finding your spouse?
This post comes from a personal place. I have long been a supporter that prejudice and racism exists way more than it should in subtle and not so subtle ways. I have had tough conversations and lost friendships over that position. Attended hours of diversity training as I look inside my biases and views that affect my teaching students of color. It is hard to open your eyes to white privilege, but not nearly as hard as navigating life as a black person in America.
It is equally personal because I was a police wife for 10 years. Never being able to post my husband’s face or uniform, getting threats to hurt me because I am married to him, the uncertainty of attending his funeral every day he goes to work. Meeting some of the best humans around that give their lives to community service, but never feeling safe. The two roles have some similar threads and yet are often put on one side or the other.
You either are for or against me.
You either love or hate me.
You either ride or die.
I love the #ThirdOption movement that says what if there is another way and you don’t have to choose. In my own words for the movement “What if you can Back the Blue but not the Bullshit?”
As we explore this #BlackLivesMatter the core seems to center around systems and policies that are failing people of color. Corrupt officers allowed to get a paycheck, targeting, profiling…a system that is very similar to education in their funding, their leadership and practices. A system that struggles to get qualified applicants to fill the number of vacancies. A system that lacks in crucial training to practice the best and up to date techniques. Employees overrun with exhaustion, mental health issues and limited resources to fully do the job they are called to do. A system that has a HUGE disparity in population vs. employment…meaning more black students and less black teachers. A system with unions that make it nearly impossible to get fired and a system where steps are how the employees get paid not proficiency.
I am not saying officers have it harder or that they are the victim here. Black Lives are being overlooked. That officer is a murderer and not the first one. Parenting a black son should be as safe as parenting a white one and it is not. But maybe we can support the majority of good officers while also declaring the policies and procedures need to change. We cannot let skin color determine consequence. Policing is here to stay so we must seek the third option of how we can make changes and create laws and hire chiefs and city leaders that will fire and filter the multitude of officers that do not deserve to wear the badge, but make no mistake it is not ALL…let these bodies be the beginning of burying the bull#%$ that cost them their lives.
I believe God will use this moment in time to do something big and we all need to do our part to make this moment in history count.
Not all mothers share the privilege of their son being outside without fear or worry. Unfortunately, 2020 still proves we have a discrepancy in how we are allowed feel about protecting our children. One mom can say “be safe” and move on, while another mom (a mom of color) has to teach a list of unspoken rules then be left to worry. It is not right. Sadly, for far too long we (as in white) have kept quiet refusing to see the truth out of guilt that we live a more privileged life. However, we are called to speak up against injustice and there is nothing more unjust than criminal acts going unnoticed simply because who is alive to tell their side of the story. We should not need a video to take the time to seek the truth. My white son would not have been attacked that day jogging, or in his apartment in Dallas or at the party in Mesquite; all relevant stories of moms that grieve a son killed needlessly in large part (if not all part) because his skin color.
In this time of isolation, take time to reflect then speak up-destroy any blindness that does not see the truth of the situation or implores us to stay silent out of fear of conflict or to mind our business. While I have sat in the longest time out of the 21st century, my eyes have been opened to some #Coronatruths that we are 1. way more connected globally than we think we are (how one virus in one country around the world can spread that fast goes to prove our separation is not that separate) 2. we live in a world with lots of noise (my classroom Zooms prove some homes have lots of background noise and the mute all button has become my friend). This background banter needs to be blocked out to see what is important and to give ourselves permission to feel. We need to change the culture we live in. Stop looking the other way or excusing yourself from the conflict. Do not leave it for someone else-this problem belongs to us all.
On this Mother’s Day weekend, I run for the injustice done to Ahmaud and for his mom that lost her son. We must join hands and step out of the darkness that separates how moms experience raising sons based solely on race. ALL moms should say with peace “My son is jogging and will be right back.”
Today I wear blue for World Autism Day for this guy! Real post: when he was younger, we use to get upset when he was unfriendly to strangers, refused to go into public restrooms, would not eat certain foods because how they felt etc…we thought he was being difficult. It wasn’t until he had a bad dream in his room and screamed in terror when we tried to make him go back that we realized something may be different. When we got the diagnosis, little things made sense and we understood we had to stretch our thinking to understand his world.
A world I had never noticed full of sounds, textures, and a endless way of looking at things not for what they are, but for what they could become. The spectrum is long and I learn new things every day, but God blessed me with this gift to not just be his mom but to also see the world with new eyes. He most definitely marches to the beat of his own drum, but his drum makes the best music ever!
I am life long introvert. Being in quarantine is sweet relief. I like people, but on my terms. Parts this ordeal feel like bliss. But even as an introvert, I value connections. Facebook offers me all the feels. A like, comment, emoji that says “me too” or “I feel you!” I often fail to check up on people because I withdraw all to myself, but God is teaching me to be more aware of the community that maybe I do not need…but that others need from me. And truthfully maybe I need more than I think I do.
Case in point, I was dreading this zoom with my church community group. What will we say? Will we talk over each other? Is it a waste of time? But the time spent laughing, sharing stories, giving encouragement and hope filled my spirit. I walked away knowing I am not alone.
My son is experiencing it too. Noises and people and new are not him, but even on camera he found himself showing off his stuff. It is how we live life. Sharing and connecting can fuel the soul. I pray to be so in love with Jesus that He comes out in me, but I know I have a long way to go. But in these moments where we all feel the same pain and are enduring similar moments then the connection is a powerful thing that can lift us up and keep us going. If you find yourself lonely, lacking a listening ear or just feel abandoned…message me. You are not alone.
This is a mixed feelings post. My son has always been delayed in life milestones. We never knew for sure if it was us not pushing him to be more independent because we love the process of parenting or does he just need more time. So when we looked at the first free weekend in forever (due to the shut downs across the state), we gave it a go at bike riding without training wheels. In the back of my head, I thought he would never do it or not yet. Autism, ADHD and little grit often speaks louder than pure determination, but we pressed on and prayed.
It did not happen right away. He lost balance and struggled and found himself ready to give up. We talked. We reasoned. We motivated. Then we gave him a break. The next day he saw the “big kids” riding motorcycles and he got the fire again. We told him bike first…mini motorcycle second. Out of nowhere he got a wild hair and got to work. Older boys around us gave him tips and modeled. He did it at his own pace in his own way…but 24 hours later…we were on our first bike ride….together.
We talked about life, racing each other, stopping to look at cool things. Surreal moment of “he is growing up”! Another milestone never to be repeated. No looking back. We moved on to big boy bikes. It feels good! Sad that it is a sign of maturity and another reminder he is getting older and closer to leaving home. It happens that fast. But exciting that he is learning, trying new things and showing us he can conquer fears. Blows my mind how last week this felt impossible and now look at him go! Of all the ugly memories that came from this time in history, God has given us a beautiful memory made possible with time.
One thing is for sure, I have never looked at my face so much as when I have been a virtual teacher in quarantine. Virtual conferences, my pic on a million teaching apps, recording my teaching, having to post pics of me to document I am working…I see me a lot and I am only looking quarantine cute.
My house looks like a hot mess!
I stare at this all day or constantly check my cell phone to respond in a timely manner.
I have heard the background noise of other people's houses more than I ever care to hear. There are some loud homes out there, America!
The codes, the codes, the codes. All the codes to get into all the things! Managing my class and my son’s classes just add to all the codes, new apps downloaded, new accounts created and all this technology makes me want to do my next topic…
Work out, walk, stand outside, put my headphones in and be by myself. I look forward to a workout every day now that there is time. Something about being still in nature and with God is special right now more than ever.
The hardest part is explaining it to a child that truly cannot get it. No words can explain it and it is hard to say no friends, no school, no going to parks. God is good and we will be stronger from this. Pastor Steven Furtick says it is not a matter of if this will end it is a matter of when it ends will you be better from it??
My campus was on Spring Break last week, so online learning started for us this week. Last week, I struggled to wrap my brain around what it looks like and this week I have been busy executing the plan. Crandall ISD has stepped up to give us a united vision of consistency and leadership. Today the first day of school at home begins!
It started with lots of online conference meetings which sound way more fun than they are. A great way to bridge the distance another tech tool that I can now use for the future.
Later came two days of connecting to the families, creating assignments for the Google Classrooms, creating videos to teach parents and forgetful students how to access those classrooms and lots of extra things to put the plan in place. I have a 7 year old that has really had to fill his time (un) wisely while I work 9+ hour days sorting it all out. Again, thankful the vision was already in place so I could execute my part.
Just when I thought I had had enough the Flipgrids started rolling in with their sweet faces and voices and then my first video call to try out the class. Breathe. This is worth it. The kids need the interactions as much as I do and it reminds me why I teach. Their faces remind me why I went back to the classroom after leaving it for leadership and more money. Their smiles are my why and their need for something normal is my motivation. For them the work is worth it.
God is doing something big in all this that I know will be missed when it is all over. Families are reconnecting, educators are innovating, kids are really learning for life not a test, and we are appreciating the roles we all serve and sometimes take for granted. God is moving in this stop and slow down moment in history. I believe in his promises!
I cannot do much during this crazy time, but living in a house where we both have our jobs (for now) I can support local businesses. Restaurants need us more than ever to stay open. So many jobs are in jeopardy, but this is one that could be saved if we get to go. I know for many it is impossible as budgets get cut, but if you are able support them with your business.
I cashed in a gift card and left a good tip. Nothing big, but my small way of taking action to do SOMEthing that blesses another person. Even better idea is buy a meal for someone that cannot afford one or donate groceries to a family in need. Whatever you do examine how you can help and spread that kindness to others in Jesus name.
We are living in a crazy time! Businesses open during the Great Depression are closing, schools canceled indefinitely, churches are even closed! Institutions that seemed unbreakable are broken…crazy times!
Look on Facebook and you get a range of emotions from fear to doubt to frustration. Truth is we all process trauma in different ways and no place is that more evident than on social media.
The battle for me begins and ends in my mind. Do I choose joy or jealousy? Do I judge or like a post I do not agree with because I know their heart? Easy to not want to read it, but then it is the one way to stay somewhat connected. Constant choices for your time. How best to spend it when getting out of the house is limited?
As Christians, we have a calling in times like these while the world watches. Where is my source of strength? Where is the root of my joy? Do I trust my heavenly Father like I say I do?
The best we can do as Christ Followers is to be the Church. Share love, time and our resources. Check on our neighbors. The world will know us by our love. Not easy when you just want to be left alone, but this is our time to prove our faith are more than words.
The greatest lesson I am learning is that we can fill our calendars with all of our stuff, but God is in control. God is the ultimate decision maker. This surprised us, but not him. My father always said after every plan “Lord willing”. It drove me crazy, but as I cancel event after event it makes sense. God is in control.
In my devotional today, the author talked about retreating to her “Faith Cocoon” in times like these. Meditate on scripture. Sing worship songs. Dive into devotionals. Draw near to God. This does not mean you push others out of your life, but that feed yourself in faith so that you can share that with others. If you are not full then you cannot pour into others. I believe lives will be saved and churches will be full the first Sunday they are reopen. God will redeem this if we hold on and wait patiently.
