Monthly Archives: May 2015

Romans 12:15


The Bible says to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn, but what if both emotions occur at the same time? Which side do you join?

Mother’s Day presents this challenge. For the first 29 years of my life I lived in Mother’s Day ignorance. This day was about celebrating my mom and the world was great. It was a happy day no questions asked. Cue six years later and I have learned for some this is the hardest day of the year. Now that I have seen and experienced this pain, I can never go back to ignorance.

I struggle with this because many are celebrating: a first time mom, a mom that has come home, an older mom still here, grandmothers that are like moms, foster moms, women that are like moms, a mom of many children, an adoptive mom that never thought she would be called mom (me).

But I also know the extreme sadness: an infertile woman that should have been pregnant by now, a mom that just miscarried, a mom to an angel baby gone too soon, a woman that is old enough to be a mom but is still single and fears she may never get the chance, a birth mom that experienced the life for nine months then chose a better future for the child, a woman that is content choosing not to have kids but then is judged on this day as others assume she wanted to, a mom that just passed away or a mom that is far from home, a mom that does not remember she is a mom.

For the first time ever I did not make a big deal of Mother’s Day at school because I have two students that lost their moms…one four months ago…this is the hardest day for him-ever!

With all this sadness, it seems rude to celebrate except there are those that have earned this celebration and they deserve to get it. Moms everywhere need their ONE day to feel important, to be appreciated, to honor the sacrifice and generosity, to be treated like a queen and decide lunch or get a hug or get time off. We deserve our day…we do a lot that goes unpaid and unnoticed and this day solves that problem!

Both sides win and both sides are right and both sides matter. So do we rejoice or mourn?

I say both! God gives and He takes away and there is a time for everything. I think it is only important that you understand there is both happening simultaneously. I was that girl that almost lost it at the restaurant when the hostess handed me a flower after I had just started my cycle after the 24th month of trying (seriously I almost threw the flower in her face but that would have been awkward). I am also the girl that realizes my son was carried by someone else only to choose me to get to receive his card on this day. Her sadness today is my joy. Celebrating my first Mother’s Day was surreal; felt like a huge victory where I could say or do anything I wanted(I left the diaper bag at home on the way to church and was not fussed at…score!) I would not have wanted anyone to tell me I should not celebrate in honor of another’s pain…I think as sisters we can do both. Hug and dance in celebration and cry and console in pain. We as women need to lift each other up in whatever stage and just appreciate that as women we have that bond of understanding. Having ovaries ain’t easy!!

The good news: sorrow endures for a night but joy comes in the morning. Death has been conquered by Christ and your loved one is home where we all belong! If this is your season of mourning then believe sister that seasons change! Your smile is coming!image


The Lupus Puzzle


I do not often think about my Lupus, but I have been asked several questions about it lately. The questions are perfectly polite mostly dealing with having a family or friend just diagnosed and wondering what tips or advice I have to help others. The questions always lead me to retelling my story of how I was diagnosed (while trying to get pregnant the extra Estrogen sent my body spinning). It then leads me to explain my symptoms (achy joints, severe weight loss, fatigue, fevers and depression). We talk about how hard it is to diagnose such a mysterious disease and then how hard it is to get proper treatment. I usually refer my doctor to them because he is a great rheumatoidologist and has been crucial in getting my blood levels under control. I then give a shout out to Plaquenil the miracle drug that saved my life, but I always caution its major side effect blindness (I know…a biggie, but rare). At some point they send their infertility regrets, but I share about my son that we adopted and how infertility lead us to him and how good God is to save me from sickness in a pregnancy and how trying allowed me to learn about my disease.

I know a lot of info with a simple question, but four years since being diagnosed has made this process more normal. Lupus is different for everybody so I have no idea if my story helps, but I know it shows people they are not alone. To the family I stress how tired the disease makes us feel and how every sickness could be or could not be a sign of Lupus. I stress how in an instant your body could fail you from something as small as an allergy and how I do not take one healthy day for granted as I know bad blood work could change my life in an instant. To really try to understand this disease is difficult, but it is so much more manageable than fifty years ago.

The good news is : I am currently on 3.5 mg of Prednisone and 400 mg of Plaquenil daily, but summer is coming! I am so photosensitive but love the sun! Summer is my best friend and worst enemy all at the same time!