Did I really just say that today I am thankful for this fast? Yes, today I am. Today was the funeral and burial of the baby girl lost suddenly in my post a few days ago. I have been consumed with this tragic story of loss as of late. In fact, it is rocked my faith a little bit. How could God allow this couple to suffer such immense pain? How could suffering like this even exist? To be honest, I am a little mad at God and a little afraid that if they could feel this hurt after struggling to conceive could I? A little afraid to love right now in fear of that love being taken away from me. My heart hurts to know that such a pain exists to a couple that is so similar to my husband and I. I hear of these tragic stories all the time, but it is someone else that I am not connected to at all. This one seems so real and so close to home. It makes me sick.
A friend at lunch was telling me about all the posts and slideshows and videos that were created today in her honor. She was telling me her Facebook feed was pretty sad and it caused her to look at pics and explore all the connections of the people that loved the little girl and her family. In that moment, I was happy to not be on Facebook. I am already in enough pain that it would have consumed me. I asked her to send me the link to one of the videos since I could not log into FB and I watched it in Callen’s nursery and just cried. Cried for every wedding pic, pregnancy pic, newborn pic and every recent pic of their Christmas together. I cried reading her obituary and I cried thinking her mother woke up like every other day and got her ready for school not knowing it would be their last morning together. Her parents did not know this was their last Christmas and last family pic of three. I hurt because death has no predicted date, but it is inevitable and losing a child would be horrific. I know God’s promises are true and I know she is in a better place, but this pains me deeply. I bought a book by Max Lucado to try to deal with this grief…so strange to feel such pain for strangers, but their story has also inspired me. Their story has made me appreciate the time to put down the phone and be in the moment. I have hugged my son more and spent more time that is quality. I have worked harder to appreciate and value each hour knowing we are not guaranteed the next. Please keep the Turner family in your prayers as they face each new day differently. Pray also for the days ahead. I apologize that this post is a random jumble of just pain and sadness, but the lack of having Facebook to distract me has me in these thoughts and having to really explore them which I guess is something for which to be thankful.