Monthly Archives: February 2015

A Major Move and why the Facebook Fast was needed


The biggest reason the Facebook fast was necessary is that it brought clarity and peace for a difficult decision…The Tyndalls are Moving!!


My husband threw a curveball last summer that he wanted to heavily pursue moving.  He felt we could get the best investment for our house now and that we would regret it five years from now when the market is not as great if we stayed.  He has always dreamed of living on an acre and he felt the time was right to pursue it.

Cue panic attacks from me.  Could we afford it?  What about the inconvenience? The drive time?  The increased distance means time away from our families and more time driving.  We already purchased a St. Lucia trip and other trips that could not be moved and would decrease our savings…I did not want the change.  We fought so hard about it that I thought we would divorce.  He moved forward with a call to a realtor and began boxing things and requiring we set back a portion of our paycheck for the new house…I had other plans for that money so it turned into a war.  A big war.  I questioned everything.  But after a week of silence we recommitted to doing this life together and holding off on moving for now.  We asked the realtor to help us prepare the house for the future, send us listings from a nearby city, but we would wait and pray about it…that was in September and we stuck to our word.  We did not a timeline, but we prayed to the one who did.  We had our eye on a budget and two home choices: a custom built one further out in a city thirty minutes away or a ready made one fifteen minutes away.  We waited and the more we waited the more it seemed the further city had more to offer us.

We talked to people that lived there and people that we trusted and I began to feel more at peace with our decision, but the prices kept going up.  It began to make more sense to build.  My husband called the company Thursday 2/12 to ask about starting the process and he informed us prices were going up in a week and we could buy one that was already being built or wait two months until the next phase at a much higher cost.  We knew the model home we wanted and they only had one for sale.  We agreed to go see it, but only take it if it had a three car garage, indoor and outdoor fireplace, hard wood floors and a brick color that we loved.  Almost impossible desires and these were all major upgrades and not likely to all be there.  We went on Saturday 2/14 and laughed when every single one of them was being built in this house…crazy how God created our home and was already building it.  When we arrived, our son said “Hi home” and it was on a street called Riverside which is the street I spent my college years on and has always been special to me (I want to write a book called “Just another day on Riverside”..true story…that name has always stuck with me.

Other cars were looking at this house too so we thought it may be a long shot that it is still there. We were also not sure what we needed to pay up front and the color choices inside…would we have any say? Nathan called the sales agent after church and our realtor and the guy said he could hold it for us to come look at it.  We left that afternoon at 2 and had bought a house by five on 2/15.

Our current house was on the market by 2/20 and we have had at least six showings in two days and are boxing this place as we speak.  Our new home will be built by May and we will move in his grandmother’s vacant house if this one sells soon like we hope.

Cue today:

All this happened in the last thirty days.  I needed to be unplugged to have time for it all and to be at peace with it.  I know God was preparing me for these changes.  So much has worked out beyond my wildest expectations and is a seal that God hears prayers and His timing is perfect.   I will post more soon about my love of the house we are selling.  It is really hard to leave, but needed.

Facebook Fast is Over and A Major Move!


Hard to believe, but thirty days went by rather quickly.  As much as I hated the task of staying off Facebook, it actually helped me to focus, pray and hear from God what He was trying to teach me, but I am too busy to stop and listen.  Last night, I was actually kind of scared to get back on it.  I have grown accustomed to staying out of the drama, the gossip and the envying that naturally occurs from seeing the best of best from everyone’s lives.  I did miss the major news announcements, birthdays and important life events and my friend’s opinions of them; it really is true that people post it on Facebook and assume that you know.  I also learned that people are on it way more than they say even if they are not liking or commenting.  Overall, I have to say it brought peace and perspective to my overly busy world and I learned that getting on the site is my choice and can be controlled.  I find myself checking my phone less and minding my own business more.  Crazy thing…the Facebook world went on without me and my lack of presence did not change lives as much as I thought it would.  The world still rotated and life resumed as normal-so I can let go of the fact that my comments are needed and just use it for staying in touch like it is meant to be.

The good news: The first week was really hard, so hard that I had to admit I was addicted to the site.  I thought about it all day and was very angry that I had to give it up.  After the first week though, my new normal set in and the second week was easier.  By the third and fourth week, I forgot all about it and it was actually a little disappointing that I could get back on.  I know I needed to…like being let out of rehab…you have to face the world sometime, but it felt safer without it.  I could easily choose to never use it again, but our lives are intertwined with it and most of my friends are on it so I do not want to miss out that….overall, though I learned that it is important to set limits and not idle myself with it.  In short, I learned I can live without it and that was a good thing.

Thankful for the Facebook Fast


Did I really just say that today I am thankful for this fast?  Yes, today I am.  Today was the funeral and burial of the baby girl lost suddenly in my post a few days ago.  I have been consumed with this tragic story of loss as of late.  In fact, it is rocked my faith a little bit.  How could God allow this couple to suffer such immense pain?  How could suffering like this even exist?  To be honest, I am a little mad at God and a little afraid that if they could feel this hurt after struggling to conceive could I?  A little afraid to love right now in fear of that love being taken away from me.  My heart hurts to know that such a pain exists to a couple that is so similar to my husband and I.  I hear of these tragic stories all the time, but it is someone else that I am not connected to at all.  This one seems so real and so close to home.  It makes me sick.

A friend at lunch was telling me about all the posts and slideshows and videos that were created today in her honor.  She was telling me her Facebook feed was pretty sad and it caused her to look at pics and explore all the connections of the people that loved the little girl and her family.  In that moment, I was happy to not be on Facebook.  I am already in enough pain that it would have consumed me.  I asked her to send me the link to one of the videos since I could not log into FB and I watched it in Callen’s nursery and just cried.  Cried for every wedding pic, pregnancy pic, newborn pic and every recent pic of their Christmas together.  I cried reading her obituary and I cried thinking her mother woke up like every other day and got her ready for school not knowing it would be their last morning together.  Her parents did not know this was their last Christmas and last family pic of three.  I hurt because death has no predicted date, but it is inevitable and losing a child would be horrific.  I know God’s promises are true and I know she is in a better place, but this pains me deeply.  I bought a book by Max Lucado to try to deal with this grief…so strange to feel such pain for strangers, but their story has also inspired me.  Their story has made me appreciate the time to put down the phone and be in the moment.  I have hugged my son more and spent more time that is quality.  I have worked harder to appreciate and value each hour knowing we are not guaranteed the next.  Please keep the Turner family in your prayers as they face each new day differently.  Pray also for the days ahead.  I apologize that this post is a random jumble of just pain and sadness, but the lack of having Facebook to distract me has me in these thoughts and having to really explore them which I guess is something for which to be thankful.

You Take the Good with the Bad


We are on Facebook Fast Day 10 and I think I am slowly getting used to life without it.  I don’t find myself missing it as much since I have not been on it for ten days.  I do catch myself wondering about certain people’s posts about various topics or feelings about world events that I know would have something to say, but I enjoy being separated from the drama.  A coworker will ask me if I saw so and so’s post etc., but I can honestly say no and I have no idea what is going on.  I do feel isolated from current events or from social happenings around the community; the main reason I joined is because a friend was moving to Australia and a different one got engaged and I had no idea because they thought I knew through Facebook.  People don’t call each other to share news or even email…they just post it on Facebook, so I feel I am missing out on that, but you have to take the good with the bad.

I went for my semi-annual Lupus check up today.  It is only on these days that I remember I have a chronic disease that is in constant need of monitoring.  Only on days like today where I see how bad my disease could be that I appreciate the mildness of it all even if it is inconvenient.  For the first time ever, I got a bone density scan to measure if my bones were deteriorating due to the steroids I take daily.  I did surprise the machine guy with my scoliosis.  He thought I was sitting straight at first, but then realized it was my back and calmed down.  Thankfully the test had positive results.  We took my usually two vials of blood to monitor that the levels stayed the same and then did my normal check up.  This time I had a concern because my scalp has developed these lesions that are causing my hair to thin in areas and I am not having that hair loss!  He recommended a visit to the Dermatologist but assured me it was an effect of the disease and the hair will likely grow back.  I can tell that I am in a flare or about to be because of my extreme weight loss.  I am down five pounds, but eating more or as normal.  I like the natural weight loss, but will not tolerate hair loss…I guess you got to take the good with the bad!

Finally, my son is in the Terrible Twos in full swing.  The amount of “mine” “no” “I don’t want to” and pure break downs when things do not go his way are intense.  We call him bipolar Callen because one minute he is on top of the world and the next he is sprawled out on the floor.  We are trying to balance the thought that he is learning these bad behaviors to get our attention with this is just the age and we must push through it.  We are constantly reinforcing him to use his words and express his feelings while punishing using time out when necessary.  The good thing is our caretakers report he does well for them and the meltdowns are non-existent or minimal, but not sure why we get all the good stuff.  Hoping we are not encouraging the bad behaviors without knowing it, but we have no idea are just trying to do our best.  As I am fussing at him for taking out the chicken hammer, spilling the bubbles, putting his sock in the water and carrying the laundry basket into the shower…I thought I was about to reach my breaking point.  In my mind, I was thinking “we are not going to make it out of the twos” and then my mind went back to the mother that lost her 17 month old girl on Thursday and I know she would give anything to have the terrible twos.  I know she would sell all she owned to have one more day of spills, tears, messes and meltdowns.  I appreciate that I am blessed to have these moments with him…the good ones and the bad.

The good news is: Facebook Fast, Lupus and infamous two year old behaviors–I am blessed with the good and the bad.  Humbled tonight in so many ways especially knowing that the sweet parent tonight endured her child’s viewing.  I know God is good and He loves us.  I know God is faithful and His promises are true, but this one has rocked me.  Why give that good and perfect gift to later take it away?  I know she is in a better place, but my heart hurts at the thought.  Her story has rocked me today.  I know she will get up and breathe and take it day by day and hour by hour…I know she will find the strength, but I wish she did not have to.

IF Community Unite


So, in the midst of this Facebook Fast where I am unable to check social media, I get an email about a prayer request for a family that lost their little girl.  The email stated the mother was a local teacher and the father a local fire fighter.  Both of these roles I immediately connected to because she works in my school district, lives in my city..we have several mutual friendships-though we do not know each other directly.  DPD and DFD have a connected bond through the work they do for the city.  I am also a mother of a toddler.  I could not find any information on the situation on Thursday night without jumping on Facebook, so I just committed to pray.

Yesterday, a fundraising site began circulating around and long story short now more people are talking, sharing and mostly fundraising to help this couple with funeral costs and paid leave as they grieve.  My child choking is my worst nightmare and my child experiencing pain while in the care of a daycare or sitter is a close second.  Every working mom has guilt and the number one guilt is that you cannot be there for your child and will someone else care for them to the depth that you will.  I mean I have to work (infertility is expensive), but I hate it because it took me so long to be a mom.  In the end, you just have to let go and let God and trust that you are making the best decision possible.  All of this rocked me to my core as a parent.  It hit too close to home.  And then I learned a detail that brought me to my knees.  This couple suffered from infertility and their child was conceived through IVF.

We in the infertility community know this pain too well.  “For this child I have prayed…”  The loss, the waiting, the patience, the emptiness and then to finally parent (whether through treatments or adoption) is your greatest joy because it did not come easy and it was not natural and you thought time and time again “What if it never happens?”  We know the brokenness our bodies feel and the shame and the regret and the pain when everyone around us has two then three then four or just starts selecting dates on a calendar to try for another like it is so simple; for them it is.  We know something entirely different. Our story is not the same.  The love is the same, the parenting is the same but, the struggle can only be felt if you have been there and felt like that 1 in 8 that cannot conceive.  My friends might cringe at my numerous kid posts, but this was a kid I never thought would exist and this kid may be my only one due to the work it took to get him…so I am embracing each day because I know it will not likely come again.  I don’t get the luxury to plan for baby number two….I have no control.

In light of all this my Facebook fast seems pretty unimportant and small.  In fact, it allows me more time to hug my son and embrace his laughter.  It allows me more time to pray for this family and listen for God to tell me how He will use me to help.  This blog is it.

IF community I urge you to join me in donating to this family.  They have already reached their fundraising goal, but we know it is not about the money.  It is about the community of us that struggle to conceive and cling to those miracle babies only to thing their birth signifies the struggle is over only to lose a child while you are at work.  God be with your donation, God be with this couple and their families and God be with all of our community.  Let’s UNITE and show them we see them, we care and they are not alone.

THe good news is: I am not saying infertility babies are more loved or more special.  Any loss of a child is tragic,  I am just saying that nine months to meet a child and 36 months changes things.  THe baby becomes like a prize and a reminder every day of a blessing you thought would never come.  Every dirty sock, every poopy diaper, every temper tantrum is a gift that I do not deserve and adoption allows me to be a parent.  My heart aches tonight.  God, be with them and all of us that do not get it.  Remind us that death is part of your promise and without it we would not see you.  We must die for our life to begin.