My husband approached me yesterday about my excessive use of Facebook. To be fair, this has been an ongoing argument for a couple of years now that I am preoccupied with my phone (at one time it was Candy Crush), but now it was checking Facebook. To be even more fair, I waited a really long time to set up an account for this exact purpose; I even was reluctant to get an iPhone because I was afraid the instant access of all things digital would be a distraction. Slower and older phones might deter me from being preoccupied, but when my old screen broke then this phone was free hence the addiction. I know my weaknesses and this had everything: I get my news, gossip, articles, self help…FB for my guilty pleasure.
I digress. So in the heat of the argument he accused me of making my Facebook a god and a top priority above all else and even went on to say that my over obsession has hurt the family. Although, his words were a bit dramatic…I know some of his observations are accurate. I am alone with a toddler in the evenings while he works and I teach, so I am with kids all day…Facebook is kind of my adult time. I see it as a ministry at times; offering prayers to the hurting or likes to the pictures or commenting on people’s pictures of their kids. It is also my way of sharing my family and my child with his biological parents. There can be some very good uses of the social media including a women’s devotional group that I am a part of. I also feel it has a platform for sharing you are pregnant or the loss of a relative. My friends list really are my friends and I find it a way to share your life through words in writing. But, it can be addictive very addictive.
My problem came when I posted something. I became glued to commenting responses as people wrote. I would often check the post to see what someone said so that I could reply. I was also addicted at times waiting for a gender reveal or a baby to be born etc. Mostly innocent things, but can steal your time and I say steal because there were some nights I did not get done what needed to be done although I was very “busy” It really suffered when I neglected my prayer or devotional time because I was too tired. I caught my own self becoming vain and felt empty when the interactions were limited. My number one prayer lately has been to break my cycle of idleness. The challenge is I am a writer, a reader and love relationships so Facebook can become a crutch to all three. I admit I needed help, but I am frustrated that my husband felt it was his job to fix it. He compared my excuses and my lack of accountability to an alcoholic…we are still not talking. Not over that one.
But, here I am on day one of no Facebook for a month. It has not been easy. I caught myself wanting to surf the feed when I am bored. I find myself with way more time. I feel a little lonely now and then even though people are with me. I am committed for my marriage, my Lord and myself. I have needed to do this. I am using this 30 days to ask God to speak to me in the trial and to explore my soul of why I felt like I needed it. I have no idea how this will go but I refuse to break for thirty days. I have deleted the app, but not the account because I love my pictures. Stay tuned to see how this month will go and what revelations God reveals.
The Good news: Please pray for my marriage.