A Letter to my Son

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Dear Callen,

You have no idea how proud I am to be your mother. Not just a mother, your mother! I was told I could not have children because my body would not carry a baby; it was devastating news to hear. I knew I wanted to be mom, but now I felt confused. So many choices. Then God put on our heart to adopt and the decision felt right. I worried about who, when, where, how and then we let The Lord take over. I remember being so afraid that we would adopt the wrong baby and it would not be the perfect fit. I wrestled with trusting God to make you perfect for us. I remember thinking what if the child likes something I cannot understand or what if he/she is the exact opposite of us and we never quite click.

Why did I worry?

You are now two years old and I cannot imagine a more perfect child for our family. You complete Nathan and I and everything about you is what we envisioned for our ideal child and more. People say you even look like us. They always comment on eyes like your daddy or hair like your mom. We giggle at our special secret or amaze them with the truth: you are adopted and created by God for us…of course you look like us!

At two you are already showing so much personality. You are strong and brave; not a whiner or a complainer. You love the water, love the mud, love the outside and running instead of walking. You love to eat and dance when a bite is good. You are a meat eater all the way…and will try anything. You love music especially Little Einsteins. You sing when you are happy. You are glued to Frozen and act out the scenes. You have the most contagious laugh ever! You play hard and love hard. You give us kisses and hug your animals. You cuddle with blankets but not with mommy unless you are sick. You are as athletic as we are and maybe even more.  We love to compete and so do you-without notice you will say “on your mark, get set, go” then take off.  We know you have started and race and we better get going!

You are smart. You pick up our phrases easily and copy us often. You tackle daddy and hide from us under the table; you strain and say “I’m stuck!” when you really are not. You imagine with your wrestling figures. You climb up the bed and fall face first into the sheets and love every second. You are observant. You survey the room and watch before you commit to opening up. You talk up a storm and share about your day. You invite others to play with you by saying “come on!” You are a leader and direct the dogs to do what you want. You pray with us and listen as we read Bible stories. You are always thinking! Always learning. You sing Frosty, Let it Go, Happy Birthday, ABC’s…you take a bath for over an hour because you hate to get out.  I have to make you drain the tub.

You love animals and love reading. You are passionate and throw yourself down when things do not go as planned. Sitting you in time out calms you. Your latest trick is crossing your arms and saying “I don’t want it.” You love to laugh and live life. I am proud to call you my son and I am grateful that God allowed for the circumstances to happen that brought us together. Infertility is my friend since it brought me to you. Every decision I make you are in it. I love our relationship and you. Everything about you. Never forget that…I would never change you. I would never change us and our story.  Thank you for these memories, these hugs, these moments and these best days of my life now that I have met you.  Thank you for calling me Ma, Mom, Mommy and Julia (your dad taught you that).  Thank you for filling my heart with this unbelievable love!

Love, your mom

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