A few weeks ago, Facebook celebrated Sibling Day. I am raising an only child, so I was a little perplexed about his future as a possible non sibling. We are a couple that cannot get pregnant naturally, but adoption is challenging and I cannot imagine going through that process again. I will not say never…but I will say that God would have to put it on our heart for us to consider it. Now, we do believe that God has great things in store for us if he is an only child, but we both came from families with siblings and we both experience the bliss of being an aunt and uncle so we want those things for him.
Thank God he has it.
He has biological siblings that were also blessed through adoption. In fact, in March we got to meet one of his biological brothers. Amazing how you can love a stranger because he has the blood/genes of your son; I love him because he is part of Callen. I pray for his well being because I know that his life directly affects my son.
We got to see them play, hug, laugh, scream, eat, share and learn together. Callen loved being a little brother and accepted all the help that his older brother could give. This relationship gives me peace. Knowing that we can create a relationship where he can experience brotherhood if he wants to is a blessing. I look forward to seeing what the future has in store for not just them, but for us as well.
It is that time of year where we honor mothers and thank them for their sacrifice. I always loved this holiday because it gave me a chance to appreciate my mother for all the sacrifices I never fully understood growing up and I got to shower my grandmothers with love as well.
But, Mother’s Day for the infertile is a challenging day. On one hand, you are distracted with the love of your family if you are fortunate to have your mother still here, but on the other you grieve a loss of being barren. Church is hard. Lunch is hard. Facebook is hard. I remember one year, the waiter gave me a rose assuming I had to be a mom since I was over thirty and I considered throwing it away…instead, I politely thanked him, but fought back tears. I write all that to say, just remember those that suffer when this holiday comes around. Remember those that lost their mom, or lost their child, or are disconnected with their mothers right now. Remember those that never got pregnant, but are still desperately trying.
I am still barren and infertile, but I got the greatest gift because I was blessed to be chosen to adopt our son. Because of her, I get to rejoice on Mother’s Day. I am eager to celebrate, but I can’t accept flowers without first acknowledging the woman that gave me this gift of motherhood. My son’s birth mother is my hero for giving me this gift. She felt him move, heard his heart, felt his hiccups, fed him 24/7 for 39 weeks (he was a big baby) and then with hope in her heart…handed him to me. She gave him life and I help him to live it to the fullest. Together, we make a great team for our son and together he has two women that want nothing but the best for him.
My experiences have given me the gift of empathy for all those couples still experiencing grief from not having a child, but I can with confidence say that sorrow endures for a night, but joy will come in the morning. I have my child…the child God chose me to parent and the son I was born to raise. It did not come the natural way, but when it came-I knew it was perfect and is better than I ever imagined.
The good news is: God has so many ways to create families. My greatest gift is to be an adoptive mom to our son. He was the baby I was meant to parent and he has the best birth mother in the world. She is so interested in his well being, but also so happy for us. I will fully celebrate the joys of motherhood, but will throughout the weekend, remember to thank God for his birth parents and for this gift of adoption.