Monthly Archives: July 2013



I had to endure my yearly exam today, so I made an appt. with my doctor…but had to make it on the side with her nurse because my doctor is so busy!  I love my doctor’s nurse because she is so sweet and bubbly and personable.  Anyway, I have not seen either of them since last June when we had started the adoption, but had not finalized it. 

Let’s back up: My OBGYN is the lady that started the tests to see why I wasn’t getting pregnant…her sweet nurse had to inform me of my Day 3 levels being so high that my body was overworking to create an egg which usually happens in menopause. This doctor prescribed me Clomid and then had to take my three phone calls informing them that my cycle had stopped and they gave me Progesterone to get it going again. My OBGYN had to beg me to stop trying to get pregnant after getting the Lupus diagnosis because I had a blood clotting disorder and antibodies that could damage me and my baby if the levels got out of control and she was very much against prescribing the meds I would need to be pregnant.  She is a high risk doctor and informed me that we would have ultrasounds every week and lots of monitoring, likely a C-Section because a pregnancy with these numbers would be very high risk and dangerous….imagine getting that news! My OBGYN is the one that referred me to my reproductive endocronologist (sp?) that ultimately gave me the dreaded news that getting pregnant was not an option.  Imagine sitting around a table with a doctor and your husband and him dropping the bomb that “you will likely never get pregnant”.  In his defense, he had my ultrasound test and vials of blood that confirmed my levels were post menopausal with eggs that were likely bad due to my autoimmune disease…so his diagnosis was exactly what I needed to hear so that I could shut that door.

I am praising God for his honesty.

Some doctors would have taken my money and done a lot of experiments to see “what if” or “we’ll try”.  The outcome could have been great or disastrous, but our money was limited and we were ready to be parents.  My insurance only covers the diagnostics of infertility, but not the treatments themselves, so what I needed that day was honesty and he generously gave it to me.  His exact words were “I could take your money, but it won’t likely result in a healthy pregnancy.”   Door shut…we mourned and moved on.  I know we were meant to go to him to get the truth.  I commend couples that keep pursuing pregnancy even if it does not work the first time, but for us it could have been dangerous with my illness…so we needed to stop.

Back to today…I went in for my appointment and she was politely asking about my summer without saying anything specific.  I finally just asked, “Do you know we adopted a baby and I am a mom now?”  Her face lit up and she said, “Yay!  I did not want to ask, but I was hoping you did…we talked about that option last time you were here.”  I got to take out my phone and our birth announcement and show off my boy.  Of course she had all kinds of questions and she even cried a little when I told her about his birthparents.  She was genuinely happy for us and praising God with us for the miracle of infant-open-adoption…the adoption that allows me to be there from the beginning!!  Now you can see why I love her so much!

The good news is: I am thankful for these people that celebrated with me today and rejoiced over our son.  She told me of all the patients that she sees both young and old…none that she has treated have ever chosen adoption as their plan.  That could be for a lot of reasons, but she was excited to hear our story and commended his birthparents for doing what was best for the baby. 

Now the awkward part: The worse place for an infertile woman to be is in the OBGYN about babies everywhere!  Couples looking at their first ultrasound, ladies waddling about to burst, ladies that just had their baby and were coming in with the child for that first post check up, couples finding out the gender and lots of pregnancy everywhere I looked.  This time, I could take it because I knew I was going home to my son…well technically a Chipotle first, then my son…but I felt for the women in there that might be there to get tests like I was a year ago to find out why I wasn’t getting pregnant and what I could do about it. 

What a difference a year makes.


Forever Family Photo Shoot!


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We had our first family photo shoot as a “forever family”. These were suppose to be done before Callen’s Adoption Day party so that we could display them near the guest sign in, but rainy July got in the way so we had to wait. It was hot and humid outside, but Callen was perfect for the first half then he was over it for the second half. I prayed about how to make these photos special because I originally had no idea and then Etsy popped into my heart and the rest is history. We have been very blessed with great photography and memorable moments to capture our joy. Callen is the perfect picture model and we believe God intervenes to seal the deal that His greatness cannot be denied…He created this family so all glory goes to Him. We are blessed!

The good news is: Callen also learned to crawl this weekend…he is mobile. We praise the Lord for a healthy and strong baby! We knew he was abnormally strong, so we expected it to be only a matter of time. No teeth yet, but he is all over the place!

Looking Back…





I finally got to meet my best friend’s baby today and she was beautiful, perfect and wonderfully made by the Father in Heaven. She was genuinely a little of them both, but looking more like her big brother than anyone else.  Although, I never got the gift of seeing a baby and seeing myself or my husband genetically…we do look very similar just by God’s design…what is really crazy is how much he looks like his cousin (my brother’s child) that is biologically related to me.  Weird how God works that way.   <a Anyways, it got me remembering about Callen's birth and those first moments of holding him. Her baby was born 7 pounds and just looks so small…I told her I don't think I have ever held a baby so small and she said "Oh, Callen was that small once." But he literally was not. He was born ten pounds and looked like a big baby! I think his size helped us to not be so afraid to hold him and love on him. Thankful, that we were not afraid to break him since neither of us held babies very much. We definitely believe God gave us the baby we could handle.

Another reminder of his birth came today when I opened up a gift from our care giver. We are having an adoption day party and she wanted to give us something for the occasion. The card said "Someday hhe will have his own hopes and dreams, not knowing that once upon a time you closed your eyes and dreamed to have him in your life." SO TRUE! Hard to remember, but we longed for him for many months and years before we actually met him. Infertility makes you question if you will ever be parents and then adoption causes you to question if it will be the right fit and just as special as a biological child. Lots of thinking, praying and wondering and the longer we waited the more questions and time we had to pray.

As we know, it all worked out as it was meant to be and we see him grow and change a little more each day. Thankful that her baby and our baby (Lord willing) will graduate high school the same year and we get to experience the little milestones together. It was fun to take a day to just look back and remember and reflect how faithful God was in creating our family.

The good news is: He is healthy and happy and fits perfectly into our family. All the pictures above are of our first days with Callen. Still surreal to see how much babies change in just 7 months and I am eager to see how much he changes in the next 7 months, but hopefully it is not so fast.

My Best Friend is Having a Baby!



My best friend and I met when we were in seventh grade.  I never had a sister, so I have no idea what having one is like, but she is the closest thing to it.  I don’t have a large circle of girlfriends…although I have lots of friends…it has easily always been us as best friends.  We are so alike in so many ways mostly because we are girls, but not girly girls.  We both got along much better with the boys since it was less drama and more laughs.  20 something years later, we are still best friends so now that she is having a baby it feels like we are having a baby! She was so kind to tell me she was pregnant after the adoption of Callen was final…not sure if I could have handled it before with infertility and uncertainty, she is smart like that not wanting to rain on my parade, but wanting to share that we will have kids 7 months apart.  Today, she went in for her pre op bloodwork before her C section tomorrow and I got to go with her since her husband had to work. 

Crazy to be on that side of things.  Seeing her talk about insurance, cost, room stays, signing off for the what ifs of major surgery, taking blood and getting checked in for a hospital stay and then hearing of all the many doctor appointments she attended prior to getting to this point…I have no idea what any of that is like since I did not deliver Callen, but it made me appreciate his birthmother even more.  She did all this since she had a C-section too and she did it all knowing the baby would go home with me.  Selfless love. 

The entire day we were doing all this and her nervous energy was showing, I kept reminding her this time tomorrow you will hold your girl…she is all worth it!!  However, our birthmother did it all knowing she would get to see us hold him instead.  I could not get that out of my head.  Although I was not there, she went through all this before her surgery…for him. Sometimes since I was not there, I forget that Callen had ultrasounds and hiccups and kicked in her stomach. I forget that he tossed and turned at night and moved around and probably gave her heartburn and made her uncomfortable. I forget the closer it got she probably felt ready as her body continued to change. All this happened even though I did not see it. Today, I got to see a glimpse of the other side of things and I was truly moved at the work and effort it takes to bring the baby into the world.

The Good news is: A mother’s love is so sacrificial and I am so grateful for God’s gift of adoption.  I know pregnancy and child birth is a beautiful thing, but I am grateful to cheer her on from the sidelines while never fully really knowing what it feels like. >Image

We have been spoiled


Picture 806My husband and I tried unsuccessfully for three years to get pregnant. Each summer we had not conceived, we took a “this is the last summer without a baby” beach trip. We enjoyed long vacations in the Caribbean, Hawaii and Mexico appreciating that it could be our last. We drank cocktails by the beach, read our books in the sand, scuba dived and saw such amazing ocean life. We started our adventure with great cuisines and lots of live music. We simply soaked up the life of just us two knowing it could be the last. Well, we adopted our baby this December and we LOVE every minute of it except now we see that we have spoiled ourselves and this summer is ocean-less. We love our baby time and would not trade it for anything, but it is like going to the State Fair every year then one year you skip it. I am not complaining…just being honest that it is weird without any plans for a beach vacation for the first time.

I know we could go somewhere local, but if you are going to pay hundreds of dollars to travel then you may as well travel to a place where the water is blue and you are on a plane. We are already thinking of next summer when we will take Callen on our beach getaway with his passport in hand. Until then, I will listen to the Carribean music on the back porch surrounded by Tiki torches and popcorn and love on this gift from God.