We learned that the official date for our Adoption Day will be June 14th! This is the same day as my niece’s birthday, so I hope she does not mind sharing the special event. We thought about pushing the adoption to a later date, but then could not imagine explaining to our son that it could have been official sooner, but we chose to wait. We will always be sure that my niece knows it is HER day and Callen is just sharing it.
We look forward to our sixth and final visit with our agency at their annual adoption picnic. We are eager to see other AIM families created through adoption and other families that may be connected to our son. I will post more about this experience later, but we are hopeful to see some familiar faces and celebrate adoption and the love of this ministry.
Sadly, my grandfather passed away on Thursday evening. He had suffered from Alzheimer’s for many years so it was bittersweet. On one hand, he gets his mind back and is reunited with his love of 65 years (maybe more, but I lost count). He is also able to worship Jesus every day with the angels in heaven and there is no better place to be. I am sad because I loved getting to hold his hand. I also loved that he met my son so that he can tell my grandmother all about him. Alzheimer’s is an uglyl disease in that you lose your loved one over and over as the disease progresses. I would always leave him happy that I saw him, but upset that he was worse than the time before. At one point, you just wanted them to stop suffering. The death is not quick…it is a long goodbye, but I am thankful that I had the opportunity to say goodbye because I know many do not.
Loving Jesus is a beautiful thing in death because He conquered it. My grandparents filled out this memory book for my brother and I so we could remember their lives. Here is his answer to the question “If you could go back to any age in your life, which age would it be and why?”
I love his response because it is so wise. He wrote, “I enjoyed lots of good times with my family, but I do not want to go back to any of them. I look forward to the good times ahead.” What beautiful words to sum up a beautiful man.
The good new is: Jesus came to conquer death so that we would not be slaves to it. There will be many good times ahead that we can live in memory of my Paw Paw.
Our adoption agency did their final home study this week. Our agency is in Houston and we live in Dallas so we had to fly our social worker in and then make accomodations to pick her up and get her back to return to Houston on time. Not much work, but the price adds up and we all have to sync our schedules so things run smoothly. Before her arrrival, we had to baby proof our home with plug protectors, cabinet locks and all that other baby jazz. We have lived in this home for almost nine years and can no longer get into anything! We can’t open our own doors and we both keep forgetting about our cabinet latches so we rush to grab something then have to work to get it out. All good for the baby, but he is still just rolling on the floor so we don’t feel the urgency to do all this right now.
The visit went flawless and our baby behaved like a perfect gentleman. We make one more agency visit in June and then our final court date to finalize the adoption is in June. The adoption already feels final (parents rights cannot be reinstated), but the agency has to monitor are we capable of being parents and so far so good. Still a crazy thing to see how much work goes into proving our credibility simply because my uterus is broken…imagine how much more responsible parenting would take place if all couples had to go through this scrutiny? It is worth it and we are counting down the days the judge confirms he is ours forever.
We already feel like he is ours, but it will feel like sweet relief to hear the judge confirm it and then we no longer have to prove ourselves month to month. We will always remain in contact with the agency, but now just to catch up instead of a required visit.
We plan to throw an Adoption Day party and then celebrate for the next 18 years!
Lupus update: the latest check up shows all the blood levels still good and I started playing soccer again this season. I wear my long sleeves to avoid the sun, but already love that I am back. I missed a goal from literallly two inches from the net, but I love to be back. Thankful to God that I can still play this sport and feel normal! My baby was there cheering me on for the first time and I felt like I had a reason to play. I want him to be proud of his soccer playing mom and I have always wanted my child to grow up around sports. I want to model being physically fit and competitive…I hope he can see me score soon!
</p><p>To all women everywhere…I feel you today. I feel the young girl that laughs at the motherly responsibility and thinks “no way I love my sleep”, I feel the new bride that just wants to be selfish with alone time with her husband, I feel the five year wife that wonders when her husband will commit to trying for children. I feel the barren woman that feels guilty that she can’t create a child for her husband because he is not to blame for us not conceiving, I feel the lonely woman that feels broken and rejected and constantly questions should she keep trying or move on, I feel the woman praying for her husband to consider adoption since she wants to parent a child and believes God has a bigger plan than conception, I feel the woman overwhelmed with paperwork because there are so many details to making an adoption complete. I feel the hopeful mom praying her book was enough to be chosen and feels unworthy everytime a day passes with no phone call, I feel the woman frantically nervous if she will be able to connect to a baby that she has never met and will it be “her” child…finally, I feel the woman that meets the first mother of her son and together they create a plan of how we are going to give this child the best.</p><p>There are a lot of women that I cannot relate to with the positive pregnancy test, the first ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, going into labor etc…but there are quite a few women that I feel exactly where you are at. I have been there, too.</p><p>
A year ago, I was so hurt and bitter because it was my third year of infertility and I still wasn’t a mother. At the time, we were at the early stages of adoption, but still so far. I remember thinking everyone feels sorry for me because I don’t have a baby, but I am old enough to be a mom. I want women everywhere to know that you are not alone and this is a season. No matter where you are in your stage of life, you are loved and we are connected in that someone out there has been there, too.
The good news is: Love never fails. If you are not celebrating Mother’s Day today then know that you will if you want to. Anything is possible. I have no regrets about letting go of conception even though it is hard to imagine not carrying a baby or seeing my inherited traits in a child. However, I know that our adoption was never plan B…it was the Plan A that I could not see until I gave up what I thought was best for me and learned to trust God.
Feels so good to celebrate this first Mother’s Day…you never get another first Mother’s Day 😉
So, tomorrow is Birthmother’s Day…a day set aside to honor the women that gave life through the miracle of adoption.
Callen’s first mother is amazing and generous and loving. She allowed me to be in the nursery with him first, gave me full access to the hospital and allowed me to feel him growing in her belly. She kept me updated on every detail leading up to the birth and then gave me a bag of goodies that she had been keeping for him to have when he gets older. I know I am blessed because many moms do not get those treasures, but Callen has a box of them . His birthmom taught me how to burp a baby and swaddle a blanket. She encouraged me when I fed him for the first time and rocked him to sleep…how difficult it must have been to help me be his mom and yet she did it.
Our greatest gift is her choice to be open. We love that she keeps in touch and considers us family.
I did not hear Callen’s first cry or his heart in my stomach; she did. She felt his first powerful kicks and knew of his tendency to party late at night and yet she still loved him enough to make a plan for us to raise him. At times, we felt overwhelmed by our commitment to raise this child and not think twice about the lack of biology…but more than that, we are overwhelmed that she chose us to love on him every minute of every day for the rest of our lives. What love and sacrifice! She is the best gift in that “she made this couple a family and turned nine months into a lifetime” Today, I honor the woman that ended years of sadness with the best gift of life. I honor the woman that followed God’s calling in the midst of her sadness so that we could find each other. I honor the woman that felt all those amazing first things and still wanted more for him. Amazing love!
The Good news is: I thank God for adoption and for the birth of our son. I thank God for his birth mom and her amazing gift. I thank God that He led us to our baby and continues to lead us every step of the way including financial contentment. I am thankful that He gave us peace about letting go of conceiving so we could focus on the blessing of adoption. I am thankful that we are in this together.
My husband and I leave for Vegas for three days and I am already feeling separation anxiety from my son. I know we need that time together and after all he has been through, he deserves a break, but I know I will miss the little things so I have mixed emotions about two nights without my baby. The neurotic prays nothing catastrophic happens and my goal is to appreciate the vacation, but I am thankful for Facetime and other forms of communication to help ease the pain.
Secondly, I am anticipating my first Mother’s Day after three years of infertility. More important that that, I am eager to celebrate our first Birth Mother’s Day or day of the woman that gave our son life. So thankful for her sacrifice and love…she is amazing! A better post about her later.
Thirdly, our boy is growing so fast. We saw his pure joy in a jumperoo at his sitter’s so my husband convinced me to go out tonight and buy one for him. We are calling it his Adoption Day gift because around this time next month he will be officially ours.
Everyday I am growing more in knowledge of the importance of this adoption and the accepting of God’s perfect plan in me not getting pregnant.
The good news is: I so often forget that creating a baby is so much more than genetics…God created our son in the best way possible then led us to Him and our new family. We were made for this.