He is figurately growing quickly, but also literally growing quickly. He is now fourteen pounds and he is only two months old. Strangely, he is only in the 85th percentile which means fifteeen percent of babies are bigger than him! The thing is he keeps drinking like a thirsty cow. We try not to immediately feed him, but he can’t be satisfied until he is fed. There is a popular wrestler who has a catch phrase “feed me more”…that is my baby. I even got pacifiers form MAM made with this phrase on it! He is size six months clothing which is the saddest part of all. Having to put away some of the smaller clothes is a bit gut wrenching. He was never really in newborn, so for us it begins with the three month outfits. He has only worn some outfits once, but I can still vividly see him in the outfit and just melt that I will never see him in it again. Thankfully, there will be other outfits that take its place and new memories to be made.
My new free accessory is baby spit up. He seems to do it at all the best times when all I can do is clean it off and walk out the door. Strange as it is…I don’t mind it because it means I have a baby and that is a thought that I never thought I would have. The three years of waiting felt like forever, but it was all in God’s perfect timing to lead us to him. I have no idea what the future holds, but I know that God’s plans are perfect and any other baby at any other time would have kept us from this one at this time. In the moment, I had no idea what I was waiting for, but looking back, he was worth the wait.
Tonight, my husband got to help with the bedtime routine. He works nights so this is a rare pleasure. We read Love you Forever by Robert Munch. The man ruined it. Such a sentimental book that is now destroyed. All the husband could think about was that the man had his own place, but slept in a twin size bed. To be honest, my fifth graders already ruined it for me. They are obsessed with which steroid the mother is using to lift her heavy son. Either way, it is still beautiful to look my baby in the eyes and say (I want him to love me so I refuse to sing) “I will love you forever…I will like you for always…as long as I’m living…my baby you will be.”
The good news is: this baby has turned our world upside down. It has to if you want to do it right. It is all about the baby simply because that is how babies go when you don’t have a nanny or nighttime nurse. We do use family to watch him during the day, but the afternoons and evening is one of us. Saying all that, we are taking a huge leap and booked a three day stay in Vegas. I am reluctant to leave him for such a long time, but know we need the couple get away. To be honest, I am looking forward to reading on an airplane, sleeping without interruptions (even though the awesome baby sleeps eight straight hours at night..sometimes ten) and just making memories with my husband that involve us two. Likely, we will only miss him and I just pray that all goes well while we are away and we get home safely, but you can’t live in fear. Life is meant to live.
As a teacher, Valentine’s Day is always special since I am around kids. I have to remind myself that love is not just romantic love, it is also appreciation and telling someone that behind all the strictness and meanness lies a person that really does care. However, I have had those Valentine’s days that I wanted to throw up on someone or just wish the day away. I remember a day in college where I was single with no hope of love and yet my dorm mate and I celebrated happily in the cafeteria. I remember the year I sent myself flowers that I proudly carried them around to brag. I had two years where I was married, but separated so this day was just awkward and I had a few where I was loved by my husband, but still longed for a child. In the middle of not wanting to over-celebrate the love of our baby boy…we are still peacefully reminded that this may be our only child so live it up big. Your friends will understand that this child was a dream for many years and continues to be a “pinch me please” experience.
The road is not perfect in adoption. You still feel reminders of infertility and pangs of jealousy when you see someone experience a pregnancy, but you are also reminded how good it feels to be a child’s mom and know this new feeling of a different kind of love. We gave our birthparents a Valentine Day collage of pics of their boy telling them how much we love this gift. To each other, we both celebrated this new love of staying up late, getting spit up on all the time and experiencing a new selflessness. In the midst of this joy, I also look back and celebrate the years that we longed for this but never knew how or when we would get it. I remember those years fondly too of going out, sleeping in late and just indulging in the lack of bills which gave us more money for each other.
Whatever stage of life you are in then embrace where you are. It was not easy for us during those years of infertile pain and yet we made it. In fact, we made it and thrived.
The good news is: God is the greatest love of all and it never gets old. I am thankful on this day to have a two month old to love and a healthy husband to hold. I know it all goes by so quickly so I will embrace it.
I am beginning my second week of being a working mom and so far so good. I felt very welcome in my classroom and knew I was greatly missed, but I still miss my son daily. Great family takes good care of him, so my job is to get my work done in the day and then get home to him in the afternoon.
We checked in at our adoption agency yesterday which means another three hour drive to Houston. Callen did amazing and slept the whole way. We also met with his birth parents and they were able to shower him with love. It added an extra three hours to our trip driving into downtown Houston, but we know we were doing the right thing and their faces lit up to see him and us. It was surreal to share how much he has grown in the last eight weeks. He is healthy and happy and we are so thankful for this miracle.
We spoke with other adoptive couples and talked about how adoption was represented by both teams in the Superbowl. We admired the children that were meant to be in our families and then gave our encouragement and wished each other well. Nathan and I drove back the three hour drive and got home around 1 am and I woke up to go to work this morning. Labor of love. I appreciate him more now after experiencing these challenges together.
The good news is: He is growing healthy and strong and we are grateful for him everyday even the fussy days and the late night ones. He was meant to be in our family and I love that the birth parents agree.