Monthly Archives: January 2013

Jan23

Working Mom

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I am cherishing these last few days as a stay at home mom. It has been a nice seven weeks and especially the last few have been wonderful. The first two weeks of my adoption leave consisted of bringing our baby home. Then the next few were all about the holidays and only in the month of January have I been able to just enjoy him. I will miss most making my own schedule. Starting Monday I will be on the schedule of my job and the necessity to get rest is vital. I still have an autoimmune disease that tends to get crazy only when I lose rest or become stressed. So far, all things baby have been a blessing, but I know managing home and work is about to get tough. In addition, my husband works nights so it is all me in the evening. Baby is slowly sleeping more and more through the night so that is blessing, but I am praying those long hours continue.

Being a teacher is a challenge because you just can’t take off work. You have to create sub plans, detailed directions, grade and make copies because you are still responsible for your classroom. I care about my students and my job, so it is hard to just let it go and then come back later to clean up the mess. Every day is a day of learning and I feel responsible to set that path. In addition, I am a fifth grade teacher so my students are retained by the state if they don’t pass their state exams. I feel it is my mission to give them the best opportunity to do that so I don’t slack in my job. I feel God placed me in this position to guide these kids and I know that I am already praying for Callen’s teachers so I know that the parents of my kids have been praying for me. In light of the school shootings, I know teachers are more heroic now than ever. Our job is more important as more parents are taking that leap of faith and depending on us to protect and defend these children. I try to remember each child (no matter how out of control) was rocked by someone at some point. I see my job differently as a mom and know I want my son to have a committed teacher therefore I must be committed.

Saying all that, my job is my job while my child is my family. I have to keep priorities straight. Lord willing, each child goes home to a family and my son is no exception. I may only get one shot at being a mom, so I must make it count. Each day is important. I often wonder if I could be a stay at home mom…would I? I have to say no. I wish I could be a parttime teacher or a teacher that works in an area with less responsibility. But, I was born to teach. It is what I was made to do and it is where God has gifted me. I am blessed that one day I will take my son to school with me and get to be very involved in his elementary years… many moms never get that chance. I wish my job had a daycare on campus so that I could see him everyday on my break or passing in the hall, but I have accepted that teaching is my gift and I get to be my child’s first teacher. Teachers are blessed to have summers off and much of the holidays. We also get nine sick days to use during the year, so I cannot complain. If I have to be a working mom, then this is the job to do. My only complaint is that teaching does not stop at 3:40…there is ALWAYS more to do and I must learn to set it aside to deal with it tomorrow. I have never had to do that before now.

My motivational word this year was balance. I often get so wrapped up in work that I fail to get balance between taking care of my husband and home and myself while feeling confident in my job. I will have to test that out quickly. Thankfully, the end of the year is easiest as the routines are set and most of the curriculum is taught. I now am in mostly review mode. The toughest part will be coming home exhausted, but my home job has just begun. It will also be a challenge to go to bed instead of staying up to get more done. God has prepared me for this, so I know He will give me the strength.

We are blessed because our son will be with grandma one day, dad one day and grandpa one day. The other two days he will be at an in home daycare. Can’t beat that. He will be surrounded by love in a one on one or small group environment, so I can work without guilt. I have been praying for this arrangement since we knew we would start a family. God has prepared this all for us. No one person will feel overworked and the person that takes the greatest burden is my husband who is looking forward to the extra time with him in the afternoons and on Tuesday. I told you I had a great man!

The good news is: I was updating my scriptures that I meditate on at work and the scriptures all focus on praising God and staying strong. The scriptures I used to meditate on involved waiting and trusting Him for His plan. I still need those, but I am now fully aware of His plan for now. Great blessings! Instead of “Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord” I can focus on “Now all glory goes to him who can do more than we could ever ask or imagine” Both are always and still true, but one comes with some patience while the other comes with some praise. I always praised him even in the waiting, but it feels good to go back to work knowing when I come home…I am coming home to my baby boy!

Jan15

God’s Amazing Plans…

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So I had read the verses over and over about God knitting my baby in the womb and creating each child uniquely and perfect.  I have never believed that more than through our adoption. 

I truly believe God created this baby for us, but in her womb and with her DNA.  He is all I would ever ask or imagine a Tyndall baby to be and WAY more.  I truly don’t think that Nathan and I could create something better…if we tried then we would likely mess it up.  For one he is strangely and yet miraculously the perfect mix of us both.  He has dark hair like me and blue eyes like him.  He has a gorgeous skin complexion (half Hispanic and half Caucasian…just like mine). I am sure he will tan well during the summers just like I do being of mixed race. His temperament is chill and relaxed.  He only cries when he needs something.  He is the perfect baby for us and far better than I could ask or imagine.  Amazing how God works like that and prepares for us a family to meet our needs.  Thankful that we followed His leading and said “yes” to the opportunity and the agency.  Thankful that he put a road block in our way that would have given us a child sooner, but it would not have been this child. 

A friend gave me a nursery sign that perfectly sums up my heart. “For this child I prayed and the Lord granted me my request.”  1 Samuel.  That verse I have thought about over and over along with many others.

On the open adoption update: The birthparents and I do stay in contact through Facebook, email and text messages.  They will often ask for a pic or update, but never over-needy or pushy about it…more interested.  Some say that will fade with time, but I hope it doesn’t.  I want them to be involved so that if he ever wants to talk to them it is not weird.  We talk of  adoption openly and read him bedtime adoption books.  We never will make it a secret…it will be his normal until classmates or the world inform him otherwise and then we pray to have the words to explain it better.  I purchased Power of a Praying Parent and I cover him in prayer with these issues and so much more…his story is untraditional, but beautiful.  We are proud to know his birthparent because they have blessed us with this gift and we have grown as Christians.  Our heart is fuller and our eyes are way more WIDE open.

We had our first agency meeting last week in Houston.  We will do five of these in the next six months.  The fifth one will be at our house as they check for safety issues.  We met with other adoptive parents, shared stories, played with babies and leaned on each other.  We tried to meet with the birthparents, but could not work it out in time so we will do it again in February. 

I know one day the blog will just be about our baby and not our adoption, but I hope not.  I hope this is something that we are proud to share always.  I am sure we will forget as our newness becomes normal, but we are very honored to be chosen to parent him.  We are honored to be one small piece in God’s amazing plan.  We hope we will do great things that will bring awareness to open adoption and will make a small community grow larger.

I had been praying for God to put a life verse on my heart to sum up our role in Callen’s life.  We have to choose one for his baby dedication, so I went ahead and prayed for one to keep on my heart.  He chose, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

I believe that God had prepared us in advance to parent this child.  He did not make me infertile, but he could have changed it all if it would have been for our benefit.  It clearly is not.  Callen is made to do great things and all this had to be done in advance.
The good new is: Adoption was not our plan, but God’s plan…and His plans are perfect! We hit the baby jackpot. The coolest thing is when I brag about him, I am not showing a reflection of myself or our creation. I can beam at his perfection knowing I am not saying “I made that.” He is God’s creation (like we all are, but we often forget when we give humans credit).

Jan15

The Power of a Good Man…Living in the moment

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So, I haven’t blogged in a while, but a large part of that is lack of time. The one word that I can use to describe caring for a newborn is: sacrifice. You sacrifice your sleep, your time, your freedom, your hobbies and your sanity (at times). We are blessed to live near ALL our family so we have childcare at our fingertips, but it still does not make it easy. Especially during the winter, one of us goes out while the other stays in with the baby. Please know I am not complaining because we are blessed…we lived eight married years being all about us…we have had our parties, concerts, vacations, crazy near accidents and wild stories…we will have them all again soon enough, but right now our lives have changed and it is all about experiencing this life with a baby.

I am fortunate for the experiences I have had. I feel like each major milestone I have lived to the full. I lived it up in high school (had my share of detentions, tickets, parties, memories), loved college and all the unique freedoms that brought, went through the entire process of dating-getting engaged-getting married and making a home, started a career and then went back to finish my masters…I was blessed to live each milestone fully then move to the next step with no regret. I look back at what was the key to experiencing each blessing and it is simply: family. I had a family to support me when I messed up or to stop me from doing anything stupid. They gave me the confidence to take risks, but the knowledge of safety first and the grass is not always greener. My family was a support system and a safety net.

We spent a lot of time with our baby’s birth parents and they both did not have strong family support and that influenced every life choice they made. We pray to give our son that security of family because there is no greater gift. My family made sacrifices for me and therefore I will make sacrifices for him. Babies do change everything! We are adjusting to this new life and all the sacrifices and blessings that come with it. My greatest blessing is having a good man by my side to be there for it all.

I never thought I would want a man to hold my hand at a doctor’s appointment, understand when I told him again that I got my period which means we are not pregnant, cry with me when we were told I was infertile, help pay for all the medicines and blood tests to get a diagnosis, pick up two extra jobs to pay for the adoption and be willing to travel to Houston (three hours each way) to attend numerous meetings…never thought of any of this when I said “yes” to his proposal. I only thought about the romance, the emotions, and the good times. But a marriage is solidified in the bad times and he has proven his manhood over and over again. To see him with our son is beautiful. Callen is a blessed baby. I have a good man!

As I type this blog, I know at any moment I will have to stop this task if he begins to cry. All my activities are now with the mindset that it can be interrupted at any time. Hubby works nights so I have full night duty and until I go back to work, full day duty as well…he is my afternoon relief man so I can get a few things done. I want Cal to sleep but not so much during the day that he stays up all night. It is a fine balance, but it is all about him right now. I am not complaining because I look forward twenty years and Lord willing he will be more independent and my role will be more supportive rather than the lead. I am blessed and pray to never wish this time away. I want to experience each moment fully. My social life will continue soon enough, but for now it is all about living in this moment….okay he is crying now…gotta go.

The good news is: I have to type fast because I have a baby crying 🙂 God is good!!!