I am cherishing these last few days as a stay at home mom. It has been a nice seven weeks and especially the last few have been wonderful. The first two weeks of my adoption leave consisted of bringing our baby home. Then the next few were all about the holidays and only in the month of January have I been able to just enjoy him. I will miss most making my own schedule. Starting Monday I will be on the schedule of my job and the necessity to get rest is vital. I still have an autoimmune disease that tends to get crazy only when I lose rest or become stressed. So far, all things baby have been a blessing, but I know managing home and work is about to get tough. In addition, my husband works nights so it is all me in the evening. Baby is slowly sleeping more and more through the night so that is blessing, but I am praying those long hours continue.
Being a teacher is a challenge because you just can’t take off work. You have to create sub plans, detailed directions, grade and make copies because you are still responsible for your classroom. I care about my students and my job, so it is hard to just let it go and then come back later to clean up the mess. Every day is a day of learning and I feel responsible to set that path. In addition, I am a fifth grade teacher so my students are retained by the state if they don’t pass their state exams. I feel it is my mission to give them the best opportunity to do that so I don’t slack in my job. I feel God placed me in this position to guide these kids and I know that I am already praying for Callen’s teachers so I know that the parents of my kids have been praying for me. In light of the school shootings, I know teachers are more heroic now than ever. Our job is more important as more parents are taking that leap of faith and depending on us to protect and defend these children. I try to remember each child (no matter how out of control) was rocked by someone at some point. I see my job differently as a mom and know I want my son to have a committed teacher therefore I must be committed.
Saying all that, my job is my job while my child is my family. I have to keep priorities straight. Lord willing, each child goes home to a family and my son is no exception. I may only get one shot at being a mom, so I must make it count. Each day is important. I often wonder if I could be a stay at home mom…would I? I have to say no. I wish I could be a parttime teacher or a teacher that works in an area with less responsibility. But, I was born to teach. It is what I was made to do and it is where God has gifted me. I am blessed that one day I will take my son to school with me and get to be very involved in his elementary years… many moms never get that chance. I wish my job had a daycare on campus so that I could see him everyday on my break or passing in the hall, but I have accepted that teaching is my gift and I get to be my child’s first teacher. Teachers are blessed to have summers off and much of the holidays. We also get nine sick days to use during the year, so I cannot complain. If I have to be a working mom, then this is the job to do. My only complaint is that teaching does not stop at 3:40…there is ALWAYS more to do and I must learn to set it aside to deal with it tomorrow. I have never had to do that before now.
My motivational word this year was balance. I often get so wrapped up in work that I fail to get balance between taking care of my husband and home and myself while feeling confident in my job. I will have to test that out quickly. Thankfully, the end of the year is easiest as the routines are set and most of the curriculum is taught. I now am in mostly review mode. The toughest part will be coming home exhausted, but my home job has just begun. It will also be a challenge to go to bed instead of staying up to get more done. God has prepared me for this, so I know He will give me the strength.
We are blessed because our son will be with grandma one day, dad one day and grandpa one day. The other two days he will be at an in home daycare. Can’t beat that. He will be surrounded by love in a one on one or small group environment, so I can work without guilt. I have been praying for this arrangement since we knew we would start a family. God has prepared this all for us. No one person will feel overworked and the person that takes the greatest burden is my husband who is looking forward to the extra time with him in the afternoons and on Tuesday. I told you I had a great man!
The good news is: I was updating my scriptures that I meditate on at work and the scriptures all focus on praising God and staying strong. The scriptures I used to meditate on involved waiting and trusting Him for His plan. I still need those, but I am now fully aware of His plan for now. Great blessings! Instead of “Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord” I can focus on “Now all glory goes to him who can do more than we could ever ask or imagine” Both are always and still true, but one comes with some patience while the other comes with some praise. I always praised him even in the waiting, but it feels good to go back to work knowing when I come home…I am coming home to my baby boy!