First I type this from a new laptop that my parents bought me for this journey to Houston.  My husband and I do not have Iphones (I know) or really any kind of phone connected to Internet ( I know, I know).  I think they were eager to help out and stay connected with pics of Callen from the day he was born.  Not a bad deal for me and blessed they were willing to “share” this laptop with me.

Tonight is our last night in our home as a family of two with two dogs.  Tomorrow, we leave for Houston (she made it the full time) to meet our son and then wait the forty eight hours until she signs the papers giving us the opportunity to adopt this boy.  My new favorite show is The Baby Wait on Logo because I am living that in my life.   We have forever been changed by meeting our birthparents.  We know they exist and that changes everything.  We will forever be praying for them no matter how this all ends.  Our lives have changed.  I always watch that show and think “glad that is not me”, but it is me.  We are hopefully waiting for a baby as they are anxiously contemplating if they are making the right decision.  The baby wait.

We meet this amazing couple that is considering this selfless act for our family to grow.  We can’t be parents without them and they need good parents that can provide for their boy.  They are trusting us to be those parents and to raise him in a loving home while telling him of their love and sacrifice.  We make a pact to keep in touch and never forget the other.  Such love and such trust from people you don’t really know, but will never forget.  I don’t know why God chose me for this journey.  Maybe I was obedient and willing.  Maybe the alternative would be full of pain and heartache and He is saving me from that.  Maybe He needs a loving mom that can provide the opportunities that Callen will need to fulfill His plan. Maybe this is His way of providing for and protecting our birth parents; maybe he is answering their prayer of help.   Ephesians 2:10 comes to mind, ”  For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepares in advance for us to do.”  I don’t know, but I trust Him.

I look back on these three years.  First, excited to start trying to get pregnant and thinking at any month our lives would change forever.  Then, still hopeful, starting meds to help the process that was not working on its own.  Later, getting really sick from the meds that were supposed to help.  Next, being diagnosed with Lupus and learning that I need to manage this disease before discovering this disease has destroyed my fertility.  Finally, with love in my heart we stopped trying to get pregnant and followed God’s leading to adopt.  We go to an agency three hours away on a hunch that God is leading us here and we trust Him with the funding and with the emotional roller coaster we’ve been on.  Now, we wait for the longest 72 hours of our lives as we go to meet what we believe is our son.   Our birth mother is our hero and our God is good.

I don’t know why God chose us for this.  I only know that we obeyed when we were called to obey and that God is using this for His glory.  We are blessed and praise Him for His faithfulness.  We have never been alone nor will we ever be.  If you don’t know my Jesus, please know that you are not reading this by accident because He really wants to know you.  He has changed my life and can change yours, too.

A baby changes everything.

We are praying God’s will to be done and for our birthparents to be blessed for choosing us to raise this boy.  We could never thank them enough, but we will never stop telling Callen of their love.  We will always pray that they are protected and blessed by God.  If this does not work out and we return home empty handed then His will be done in our heartache and pain.  This was not our baby and we must wait patiently for His plan to unfold.  I’m nervous about that since we have invested everything into this moment, but we trust Him and He has led us here and will lead us home.  God is good and we pray that God will give them comfort and peace in their decision.  We pray for their circumstance as we continue to pray for ours.

The good news is: A baby changes everything.  This holiday season may be our best one yet and we pray for all of those involved.  God’s will be done whatever that may be.  Thank you blogging world for sharing in this journey.  It is surreal to read these posts and realize this is my life.  How did I get to be so blessed?