With a heavy heart we are so thankful to announce that we got the call last Wednesday.  Our social worker called me at work because she kept forgetting to get in touch with me…she finally just decided to track me down.  Disturbing a teacher during work hours is a task in itself, but if anyone can do it is her!

Within a few minutes I had the most shocking and happy news that I have ever heard.  I was smiling large which meant my students had more time to act crazy knowing that the call was not about them making me mad.  In fact they got a free “be bad as you want pass” since nothing could stop my joy…that pass expired the next day, though.  My social worker informed me of the news and then I hung up knowing I still had another hour to teach and a big secret to keep.

Knowing I was the only one that knew, I decided to announce it to my husband as I always dreamt of telling him we were pregnant.  I went out and bought baby balloons and a baby bag and baby card.  I put in the bag a onesie that said “My dad has your back” with a police car on the front.  I also put in the bag a book The Hungry Caterpillar that was special to him growing up and I know how much he would love reading it to our child.  I hid this all in the nursery along with a card announcing the sex of the baby and the delivery date.  When he got home from work (which was the literally the one week he worked days and I could keep this surprise) I acted as if nothing had happened.  I later said I wanted to show him something in the nursery then opened the door with “I got a call today.”

His face was pure shock and confusion.  He asked me what I knew and I told him “everything”.  I took out the card that read Blue or Pink-What do you think?  ( I want to think Bill and Guilliana for that one.)  He then opened the card to read:

Our SON will be born on December 17th, 2012

Cue the tears, the hugs and the perfect moment that I have been waiting three years to have.  I always thought it would be a pregnancy test or you will be a dad in nine months…but telling him he will be a dad in three weeks was just as fun.  (Side note it is crazy to announce to friends in one call that we are having a baby (many did not know about the adoption), it is a boy, AND it will be here in less than a month).  Talk about shock!

We were scheduled to meet the birth mom in six days so we kept it a secret until then.  No one knew but my work so that I could start preparing a sub and leave plan.  This past Monday we met the birthmom and heard about the remaining details of our journey.  The baby will now be here no later than December 10th and we will have full access to the hospital and the baby….praise you God and generous birth mother for that gift.  We don’t expect to be in the room, but to be there in the beginning is a blessing.

We then got to make the rounds of telling our families and friends.  Everyone was shocked and so happy for us.  Those that know our journey know that it has been tough, but SO WORTH IT!    I am cautious at heart so nothing is definite until the 48 hour wait is over and I am cautious due to it being the holidays, however, after meeting her she feels this is what is best for the baby and she is happy for us even though it will naturally be hard for her.  What love and sacrifice!

My heart is going all in on this one.  I don’t want to miss a thing being afraid or hesitant.  This is the pregnancy I may never have and possibly my one and only child to celebrate.  I keep repeating Psalm 112:7 but I change the pronouns “I will have no fear of bad news; my heart is steadfast and trusting in the Lord.”  I know all the what ifs and could be’s, but I also know I am all in.  My heart is on the line and I choose to enjoy it.  I hope to post soon pics of the baby and of the great news that he is home.  I do ask for prayers for the birth parents that they will find peace in knowing that our son will never go long without hearing of their great love and our devotion to their generosity.  I can’t take away their pain, but they can feel their pain is not in vain.  If they both feel that this is what is best for him then we will spend the rest of our lives proving them right. What I love best is that they chose us.   She has every right to choose to parent or change her mind, but God’s will be done. Let the journey begin!

The good news is: due to adoption our family can grow.  Infertility is a challenge and a struggle, but it is not the end.  God’s miracles happen daily where two unexpected lives collide.  Adoption is not for everybody, but it is a great blessing for those that feel led.  I look forward to welcoming this family into our hearts.  I will forever be changed knowing they exist.  What is amazing is to look back on the journey and know when we were learning of infertility…she was learning of pregnancy.  When we were seeking the agency…so was she.  When we thought we would never be chosen, she was looking at our book.  (Side note: we learned we had been chosen two months ago, but that it fell through and our counselor knew that it would. She never told us to save us from that pain.  Thank you, God, because that would have hurt. So for two months our book was off the market hence the long wait where our friends were getting chosen, but not us.)  However, due to timing we get to plan holiday cards and birth announcements with a Christmas theme and we get the best gift under the tree.

God, you are my shepherd and I will follow where you lead. I feel unworthy of this blessing, but you are in control.  I pray you will be with our birthparents and your will be done.  If this is not your plan, then let it all end immediately.  “Unless the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it.”Psalm 127:1

P.S the name is Callen Ryan