http://www.aimadoptions.org/wf_nathan_julia.htm

Okay, so here is the process when your husband works nights: one minute you are sitting on the couch reading an Us Weekly magazine and the next minute you are searching the Internet for a new show that you read about in the magazine.  I admit it, I love reality television.  Some good reality television (Bill and Guilliana) and some trashy reality television (Real Housewives of Orange County)  I draw the line at Honey Boo Boo and I have just started to erase Jersey Shore and Big, Rich, Texas from my DVR, but yes, I at one time kept up with those shows as well.  I love Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant even though both shows baffle me at times that some people get pregnant so easily while others struggle.  I have come to the place where I cringe watching 16 and Pregnant since so many of the “fathers” in that show are so irresponsible.  It makes me appreciate Nathan, but I know 33 year old Nathan is not the same 16 year old Nathan…I digress.

Anyway, while reading Us Weekly, I read about a new show on Logo (never heard of it either, but it is channel 183  on Uverse) called Waiting for Baby.  It is from the producers of 16 and Pregnant, but focuses on open adoption.  It tells the story of couples that are in the waiting period of the birthmother changing her mind before placing her baby for adoption.  I will prewarn you the first episode features a homesexual couple waiting to adopt; although we both cannot have children-one couple it is because of biology and for us it is because of infertility caused by an autoimmune disease.  The challenges are great in both, but suffering from infertility as a couple is very devastating since the world says you are suppose to be able to have kids.  As a couple we exhausted many years of trying to have children before learning our fate-I guess if you are gay you know much earlier that you cannot conceive kids together.  Yet, both are couples looking to be a family and both cannot do it on their own.  I am looking forward to Episode 2 that focuses on an infertile couple since I relate more to them and their trials.  Okay, I digressed again.

It caused me to do lots of thinking and writing at this late hour.  First thing, is it inspired me to look up Texas adoption laws.  These couples are dealing with a ten day or thirty day wait before finalizing their adoption.  Talk about waiting!  I rechecked TX law and since we are going through an agency the consent is given at least 48 hours after birth and after that it is irrevocable.  I think private adoption is different, but we are going through an agency so that was my focus.  The birthmother can take longer than 48 hours, but cannot sign before then.  Because of this law, we are choosing not to have a baby shower before the baby is born.  I know we could and many do, but we are not comfortable with it.  We prefer a Sip and See and to buy the necessities out of pocket.  Next, I was directed to lots of information about open adoption and it reaffirmed to me how thankful that we are experiencing this kind of plan.  It takes lots of selflessness from all involved, but I truly feel it is what is best for the baby.  I still pray daily that our birthmom will chose to have contact.  God has prepared my heart to be confident and secure and to not feel threatened or jealous.  I look forward to that relationship and hope it is as great as my mind makes it out to be.

Finally, it brought me back to our adoption profile on the aimadoptions.org site.  It reminded me of why we are on this journey and the road we took to get here.  We were told very early on that our chances to conceive with my eggs were very slim.  It sealed the decision in our heart very early.  Combine that with I hate appointments and hormones makes my Lupus angry…IUI and IVF was not an option.  We are not rich enough for a surrogate and not non-traditional enough for a donor egg.  We were wanting answers early and we got them…time and time again we are affirmed that this is God’s best even though I don’t understand it.

We are learning the process a day at a time.  I don’t know how it will all go down.  I am curious about the call, the meeting, the birth, the 48 hours after, the bringing the baby home, the first doctor’s appt. and all that goes with it.  I am most curious about how it will all work out when we are in Dallas and our agency is in Houston.  How many hotel stays will we need?  Will a birth mother ever choose us being three hours away? I don’t know about any of it, but I have to trust God that this is where He led us.  The local agencies either did not contact us back or I had a gut feeling that they were wrong for us.  Looking back, every decision along the way has been so surreal yet here we are and still thriving.  Part of me can’t wait for the call and the other part of me knows that call changes everything and brings new worries.  Things get real when we get that call.  We ask for your prayers to be prepared.

My final thought that I type as I avoid hanging up the laundry is how much I love Guilliana and Bill and their reality show.  I truly feel connected to her.  I was watching her show while going through our infertility.  I felt her pain along the way.  I saw how cute of a couple they are and thought how much Nathan and I love to joke like them.  I love her sense of humor and how she does not take herself seriously.  I love the way Bill looks at her like she is crazy…I get that look a lot from Nathan.  She has Scoliosis like me and she learned of her breast cancer while I learned of my Lupus.  Like me, she can’t get pregnant in her belly…but unlike me she is holding her biological child.  That part hurt.  Happy for her, but sad for me that her baby looks like them and has their genes.  We have accepted that is not for us, but it does make us wonder what would our child look like?  Our only prayer is God is creating an “us” in someone else or at least a gift that is for us.  We just wait until our lives are merged.  We don’t wish a crisis pregnancy on anyone, but we know they happen everyday and we pray that our profile, book or story strikes a chord in a woman’s heart and she will know that all of those events that led to her situation is helping a childless couple like ourselves create a family of three (five if you include our dogs).  God is constantly working in His time and we can’t wait to see what He has been up to all these years.

The good news is: God is faithful.  I encourage you to watch the video on my post Waiting for our Superhero.  Still makes me cry everytime and I know it is from the perspective of an adoptive family.  I am sure not all birthmothers feel like superheroes and society sure does not help the situation, but our future birthmother is our superhero.  Her decision to choose life, her maturity to accept the reality of her world and her thought into choosing a suitable family means everything.  Nathan and I are not rich in money and will not be travelling to Hawaii or Europe anytime soon.  We don’t own season tickets to any team and we are happily middle class.  However, we are faithful, stable, dependable, peaceful, non addicted people.  We have a wide support of family and can provide for every need and many reasonable wants.  We don’t have a lot of drama in our lives (except my reality television-Mob Wives is high drama!) and God has given us experiences that have kept us pretty well rounded.  We are pretty old fashioned normal and we like it that way.