Today was our home study with our social worker. We have been preparing for this day all summer. I wrote in a previous post about all the work we have done on our house and today we gave her a tour to show it off. Yep, a tour of our home and that was all she was looking to see. It felt good showing it off and admiring our hard work, but a little humbling to learn she just needed to see where we live; nothing more. I am happy we did all this work because it needed to be done and it was perfect timing before a baby.
The social worker was easy going and easy to accomodate. Nathan did a great job of thinking about all the hostess type things we should do that would have slipped over my head. To be honest, these two weeks have been really challenging. Nathan has continued his full time job, teaching his summer session college class daily and working an extra job on Fridays. He has been a busy bee taking time to sleep between shifts and using every other waking moment to prepare his lessons or slideshow for class while trying to fix things around the house. I have taken on the role of doing most of the organizing, painting, cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning. Days like these I think “Never again will I let it get this messy” But I know me and it will.
I have been grateful for him working so much because I have felt comfortable buying the upgrades, paint, decorations and accessories to make it more “homely’. It has been a strain on us to be so tired and irritable from all the work, but today made it all worth it as we could just relax and show our home with pride. Another day of remembering we are doing this TOGETHER even though we both take on different roles. We have had our arguments in this process mostly from feeling the strain of the stress and choosing to take it out on each other. We must remind ourselves this entire adventure is a labor of love for each other, for our God and for this precious baby.
Our social worker will return tomorrow to finish the interview process that we could have completed in Houston, but chose to finish in Dallas while she was already here. A birthmother has viewed our adoption book, but went with a different family. I know the family she chose and they are wonderful. For a moment I felt that feeling of jealousy or rejection, but all that disappeared when I learned she was due in October. That would have been so soon! I am reminded our child will come at the perfect time from a perfect God that knows exactly what we need. I do not doubt that if she chose someone else then it was not our child. So many prayers being lifted up for God to lead us to our child and our new family.
The good news is: it was a hard decision to choose adoption over trying infertility treatments to have a biological child. It is difficult to accept pregnancy may not be in our future and to embrace the other options. However, our decision has been affirmed over and over and the biggest indicator is peace.