Two Crazy Places I Never Thought We Would Go…


In the devastation of infertility (a club no one wants to be in) you get to see some places that you only hear about or see in movies, but never thought you would be invited to visit.

For HIM: my poor husband got a backstage pass to the sperm clinic.  When I heard he needed to visit this doctor, I thought for sure our pursuit to identify the cause of our infertility was over.  No way would he go to put a sample in a cup to be tested.  How awkward!  My gynecologist put it bluntly, “If you have to get poked and prodded month to month then he can endure it this one time!”  I don’t want to embarrass him or speak for him all of what he went through, but I can tell you it involved a nice and innocent nurse which made the matter worse, there was porn in the room to help the process and there was a backdoor (he did not know about) to leave without facing the looks of the staff on duty.  Obviously, they are professionals and to them it is no big deal…but in a man’s world-it was one of the craziest things he has ever done.

For HER: an infertility clinic!  My story is not as comical…it was more sombersome.  (I think that is a word.)  Knowing that each person sitting there with you is having the same struggles you are having and are willing to do whatever it takes to fix it.  Women of all ages, races, sizes, appearances, economic statuses…infertility does not discriminate!!!  On both of my appointments they completed an ultrasound to see what was happening in my uterus and both times I later cried.  I always thought our first ultrasound would be to see a baby not a lifeless womb.  Our doctor was amazing and was our biggest ally to push through and never give up.  However, he was also honest enough to break the news that he would gladly take our money to pursue this, but the chances of success were low using my egg and his sperm.  He suggested a donor egg and we chose not to go there.

I write all this to say anyone that happens upon this blog and is dealing with infertility you know what the inside of both these places looks like.  You know the emotions that come with it, the shock, the empathy and the thankfulness that they are there to give you answers.  Isn’t that what we are all looking for (besides a baby) to know why?

The good news is: I don’t know why Nathan and I cannot procreate, but I know we are not alone in our struggle.  We are not the first and we won’t be the last.  Our only redeeming factor is to share our testimony with others that with fertile eggs or not God is good!

2 responses »

  1. I have spent my entire afternoon reading your blog after seeing your comment on my blog. There were times I was crying and laughing at the same time because I understood the emotions you were going through. You are such a strong woman and even though I don’t know you, I am so thankful that God has put you where you are in your journey and that you are happy with that. It can be so easy to let yourself get lost in the madness, and you are such a great example of how to stay strong and keep on moving. I am following your blog now and I look forward to great news soon from the adoption agency.


    • After reading your thoughts, I feel your pain. Never did we think we would be here. If we have to go through this at least we can use it to help others. Keep fighting for this precious baby. It will be all worth it in the end. We’ll be praying for happy news!


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