My husband and I have successfully journeyed through the first five steps of adoption in the last six months.  The first five we flew through in a matter of weeks.  Luckily, our agency squeezed us in during the spring which allowed for all of this to get done this summer.  As a teacher, that was music to my ears because this process has become my full time job.  I’m not complaining because it is preparing me for the work of motherhood and I liken it to my pregnancy.  I’m not gaining weight, getting indigestion, feeling kicks and hiccups, peeing often or viewing an ultrasound to hear a heartbeat; instead I am filling out paperwork.

Mounds and mounds of paperwork: disclipine pages documenting what you will and will not do for behaviors, fingerprint checks, criminal background checks, marriage surveys, ten page autobiography, proof of health insurance, marriage certificate, home floor plan, list of references, income documentation, household budget, drivers license copies, and multiple pages of agreements.  This does not include the payments along the way.  All of this is a tedious process, but can be done little by little.  As a teacher, I am used to paperwork, so the biggest hassle is getting my husband to sit down and complete his part.  Again, I realize we are not buying a car…we are adopting a baby so naturally there will be lots of paperwork.  However, it still amazes me over and over how just anyone can conceive and be sent home from the hospital with nothing more than a “good luck”.  It is fair seeing the situation for what it is, but confusing as well since if I could just get my sperm and egg to meet then all this paperwork would not be needed.

On that note, I am fortunate I am not pregnant even though I wish that I could be.  I want to be pregnant in my ideal world where I carry a  healthy baby for forty weeks, leave the hospital to take it easy for a few days then get down and dirty as a mom.  My story would not likely be that easy.  My current diagnosis of Lupus gives high statistics of a premature baby, a high possibility of a miscarriage, and way higher statistics that my body would fail miserably in the process making caring for the child difficult. (I even have a 30% chance of having a baby with a disability or I  could die in the delivery room).  I am a firm believer in God’s will so if it happens then I will trust in Him, but I also don’t want to selfishly force it if He is doing what is best to keep me from loss.  I often go back and forth between dreaming of what pregnancy could be and then seeing the reality of what it is for me.

The good news is: as a teacher, I am getting twelve weeks to slowly work on the paperwork.  Many professions do not have this luxury.  This process could not have come at a better time because the tedious part will be done by the fall.