I was down with Hormone Replacement Therapy when my infertility specialist thought I needed it.  My bloodwork in April came back showing Premature Ovarian Failure.  My FSH level was in the menopause stage and my estradiol level was as well.  All this blood work was taken on Day 3 and taken two separate times.  All levels led him to believe that I was in the early stages of menopause and to consider HRT, immediately.   At 32, I needed those hormones to keep my body functioning and productive.  I immediately began taking a variety of vitamins including: calcium, vitamin D, iron, Biotinin, fish oil, and a prenatal which includes lots of vitamins in one pill.  After getting this grim diagnosis, I also gave my rheumatiodologist the okay to put me on Plaquenil and Predisone.  He was reluctant to start me on these meds knowing I was trying to get pregnant, but after learning my hormone levels, I chose to go ahead accepting that having a baby bioligically was not meant to be.  Due to miscommunication, I never got an appointment with my gynecologist so I went three months taking medication and taking care of myself and praying…always praying.

Enter the month of June and I schedule my appt. with my gynecologist to discuss the need for Hormone Replacement Therapy.  I told her my concerns of the longterm side effects of cancer and my fear of a Lupus flare with hormones.  She assured me we would start on a low dose birth control (which I am skeptical to do because my odds of getting pregnant are statistically small and I want to allow God to be God…however, birth control could not stop God-just saying), anyway,  she needed to check my hormones to see if it was needed.  My gynecologist drives me crazy with her laidback “let’s wait and see” attitude, but this time it paid off.  I got the call this week that my hormones were normal.  Say what?  Yes…normal.  All of this was taken on Day 16, so she said don’t think anything has changed since your hormones fluctuate during your cycle, but for right now, no hormones are needed since the levels are normal.  Not menopausal-normal!

I can’t explain it and I don’t understand it.   I know my God is a healer and He not science determines my health.  However, I am also fully aware God works in mysterious ways and healing is not always the way He acts.  Even though someone stays sick does not mean God is absent.   Just because we have great lab results does not mean His answer has changed to me giving birth to a child.  I have really wrestled with that concept of knowing God is good even if we don’t get what WE want and accepting when He says “no”.  I know God is ABLE to give me a baby right now, but I question is that what is His best for me?   One of my prayers continues to be no miscarriages…so maybe to answer yes to one prayer then He has to say no to another.  The bottom line: my desire has always been to stay healthy and these results are a positive step in a healthier direction.

The good news: My levels right now show I am not in menopause and that is a blessing since I am 32.  Lupus has shown its strange head again as we have no idea what is happening in my body…how in four months I have gone from menopausal to normal.   Maybe God is healing me completely, maybe He is keeping me healthy for the adoption, maybe He is putting me in remission for now…who knows?  He does….so I will wait and see.