So, on my last visit the gynecologist takes a few vials of blood to check my hormone levels on Day 3.  These tests were  mainly just precautionary because she was no longer trying to help me get pregnant.  I expressed a concern if Lupus was the reason I wasn’t getting pregnant and even asked for a referral to a doctor to get my tubes checked.  I mean this could all be related or none of it could be connected.  Many women with Lupus have kids daily…I knew they were likely connected, but not certain.

The phone call comes in with the blood results and her words were shocking.  The nurse informs me that my FSH levels were very high for a Day 3 test which was indicating that I might not be able to get pregnant. She referred me to an infertility specialist to do more testing.  When your immune system attacks itself it can attack anything….livers, kidneys, heart…my system attacked my hormones.  I was 32 years old and having hormone levels of a menopausal woman.  Normally, 32  would be plenty of time to have children…but not for a girl with an autoimmune disease.  Another devastating day of bad news and this one knocked me down again.

The good news is:  I was reading a devotional about infertility and used that for my comfort.  I felt broken and less like a woman to not be able to have children and it was beginning to sink in that I might never have kids.  Hoping you can and knowing you can’t are two different things.  Reality was making more sense, but I relied on my God to get through it.  He never left me alone and I know He sent angels to cry with me.