I went back to the rheumatoidologist crazy nervous.  I knew this day was either going to make me look like a fool when he stated that nothing was wrong or confirm what I believed about the arthritis.  I did not want arthritis since I played soccer and was so active.  I did mud runs, 5ks, a half marathon, scuba diving, and played indoor and outdoor soccer.  I was active and planned to stay active for many more years.  Arthritis would prevent me from doing many of those activities pain-free.  I didn’t want it.

Good news!  I did not have Rheumatoid arthritis.  The bad news: “All your blood work, without a doubt, confirms you have Lupus.”  I’m a girl that has grown to expect bad things to happen and hearing this did not shock me like it would have shocked many people.  I didn’t even know what it was.  I did not know how to react.  The worst part was when the doctor said, “If you had arthritis you could have continued trying to get pregnant with no complications.  Lupus is different.”  He encouraged me to call my gynecologist and set up an appointment on what to do from here.  He discouraged me from taking Clomid any longer.  He gave me a variety of facts about the dangers of Lupus and heart defects, blood clots and danger to the mother giving birth.  He later confirmed that a pregnancy with this blood work would be challenging, but twins or multiples could be deadly.  He encouraged me to continue trying for children, but followed it with, “It’s a risk.”

Believe me when I say this visit was a bit overwhelming and quite a shock…to say the least!

Since he knew of my intentions to be pregnant,  he chose not to medicate me since medications could be bad for a baby.  He informed me that since my symptoms were mild then my form of the disease could also be mild, but he also mentioned my blood work was as bad as it gets.  He took 8 more vials to run a few more tests…checking for damage in various places in my body.  I scheduled an appointment to return the following week and left a little stunned but relieved to know WHY I wasn’t getting pregnant.  I was also thankful that I never got pregnant before knowing my diagnosis.  Strange how God works.  He was looking out for me the whole time.

I called my parents first to break them the news.  They were shocked.  No one in our family has Lupus and the word in itself can be very scary.  I left confused and curious because I still didn’t know what this meant for me, my family and for wanting to be a mom.  Have no fear…when I got home…I googled it!!

The good news is: Lupus is a chronic disease, but no longer a terminal one.  Many advancements have been made to live a long and healthy life.  I have three friends that also have this disease, so it is comforting to hear from them about their ways of coping and thriving.  I know I am not alone-but we need to find a cure.